From Russia With Love (2005)

I've made no secret of my dislike of Never Say Never Again (1983), Sir Sean Connery's final film as James Bond. The main reason I dislike it is because it is basically a remake of a Bond film Sir Sean already did better-Thunderball (1965). Happily, 2005 saw the release of a video game for PS2 and GameCube which proved a much better Bond swan song for the actor.

From Russia With Love, Sir Sean's 2nd Bond film and his personal favorite, captures the spirit of what made the book and movie so great into a wonderful game in which you are playing Sir Sean's Bond. Having Connery return to provide the voice & likeness of Bond was the icing on the cake. The game takes some liberties with the film. For instance, Robert Shaw's Grant has a bigger role. Due to copyright issues, SPECTRE is replaced with a new terrorist organization called OCTOPUS in the game. Some parts of the film have been wisely cut out. For instance, it was wise not to recreate the moment in which Bond angrily lashes out at Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi) for her possible role in the death of his friend Kerim Bey (Pedro Armendariz).

Elements of later Bond films are also incorporated, such as Bond's Aston Martin, which he would get in Goldfinger (1964) and the jet pack which he usse in Thunderball. There are also newer characters, such as Grant's right hand Eva, voiced by Maria Menounos.

She and the rest of the voice cast do a nice job, which was somewhat unavoidable as Sir Sean was one of the few actors from the film who was still with us in 2005. Also unlike Never Say Never, the game was put out by the Broccoli empire, which makes it even more enjoyable. Hence, Sir Sean's true Bond finale is a nice one because it gives you the chance to play him!

No Time to Die (2021)

"The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." -M.

Let me begin by saying that this is a look not only at this, the 25th James Bond film, but of all 5 which starred Daniel Craig. No Time to Die itself certainly adheres to the same type of narrative of Craig's previous Bond pics. The return of Madeline Swann (Lea Seydoux) reflects that. While I disliked how Felix Leiter (Jeffrey Wright) died, I did appreciate the moment when Bond refers to him as a brother. Bond's apparent demise at the film's end is appropriately vague. Craig basically shouted to the world that this would be his final Bond, although I was not surprised that the classic 'James Bond Will Return' message was seen at the very end of the closing credits. The use of Louis Armstrong's song "We Have All the Time in the World," previously used in On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969), was a nice touch, as was the ending when M (Ralph Fiennes) eulogizes Bond with the same words(which I've quoted above) that are at the end of the 1964 Bond novel You Only Live Twice. One thing I disliked, though, was the fate of Blofeld (Christoph Waltz). I appreciate that there was a more definitive end for the character, as opposed to the disappointment fans felt at the same thing in Diamonds are Forever (1971); although, in fairness, that dissatisfaction would eventually lead to the awesome pre-credits sequence of For Your Eyes Only (1981). But this is a let down because Blofeld is killed apparently by the real villain of No Time to Die, Lyutsifer Safin (Rami Malek), who proves as unmemorable as the villains of Craig's other Bond pics. I also hated how Ana de Armas's Paloma was only in the film for a short time and is never heard from again. Craig's 1st Bond film, Casino Royale (2006), was essentially Bond Begins. Bond producers Michael G. Wilson & Barbara Broccoli reportedly wanted to do Bond Begins for years. However, Bond producer Albert R. Broccoli (Barbara's father & Michael's step-father) kept shutting such plans down. He felt that part of Bond's appeal was that his origins were kept deliberately vague. Broccoli's passing in 1996 led to Wilson & the younger Broccoli getting control of the Bond series. Hence, they were now free to make Bond Begins, which they did once they decided to not renew Pierce Brosnan's Bond contract after his fourth Bond picture Die Another Day (2002). The success of Batman Begins (2005) gave them further incentive for going this route. As Wilson & Broccoli were so determined to go this route, it made perfect sense that another actor would be introduced as Bond, as Bond Begins with an actor already estabished in the role would've been awkward. Casino Royale had a better pace than Die Another Day, & it was certainly a good move to attempt to have the series take a different track. Like Batman Begins & its two sequels, Craig's 5 Bond movies seem to tell a massive if convoluted story. But, just a few years earlier came the release of The Bourne Identity (2001), which was noted for its viseral action moments. Many have called this a more realistic tone in the aftermath of 9/11 & it's not surprising that the Bond series would pick up with this. But this understandably led to criticism that Craig's Bond films were too similar to the Bourne ones. I've always felt that this led to the spirit of Ian Fleming's Bond books being lost in an attempt to be more 'modern.' Previously, I noted that both Sir Sean Connery & Sir Roger Moore added a sense of whimsy and fun to their interpretations of the role. This aspect was not always present in the books, yet I felt it was always one of the many reasons the Bond series became the great success it did. Only a handful of the Bond pics are actually faithful to Fleming's stories. However, the films of both Connery & Moore managed to capture the essence of what made Fleming's Bond special. This is why I actually enjoy Moonraker (1979), save for the stupid decision to give Jaws a girlfriend. Yes, it was weird to see a Bond film which climaxes with lasers firing in space, but the film still managed to have the same nice sense of escapism as the others. Craig's films, however, became less and less enjoyable due to the emphasis on 'realism.' While the comparison to Bourne is understandable, I think another fair comparison to Craig's Bond would be the manga character Duke Togo, aka Golgo 13. Neither of the guys ever really smiles, & they both probably keep the stern face even when having sex.

Like The Dark Knight Rises (2012), No Time to Die certainly projects a sense of closure, but its storyline is too complicated for its own good!

Double Feature Time: Dr. No/Blood Feast

Now, this may seem like an unusual double feature, especially today. After all, even those who aren't James Bond fans have probably heard about the first film in that series, Dr. No. Whereas only hard-core horror fans may be familiar with the films of Herschell Gordon Lewis. While Dr. No was released in 1962, it first appeared in American cinemas the following year, just like Blood Feast. At the time, neither film was viewed at with excitement by American distributors. The budgets for both films were also quite small, even for that time (Dr. No cost roughly $1 million & Blood Feast had a budget of just under $25,000). Also, while Blood Feast is certainly gorier than Dr. No, both films came under fire for pushing the envelope in terms of both violence and sexuality. So, I can't but wonder if there was at least one drive-in where these two pics had a double bill, as American distributors had no idea what to do with them. Of the two, Dr. No has obviously become looked at with more fondness in the decades since its release. It both started the long-running Bond film series, and made its star, Sean Connery, a household name. I also must state that Dr. No's title character (played by Joseph Wiseman), proved much scarier than the wacko in Blood Feast, Fuad Ramses (Mal Arnold). Indeed, to call the acting in Blood Feast hammy is an understatement. The actors reportedly read their lines off of cue cards hidden in the furniture. However, it is understandable that Blood Feast would get a following of its own, as it's regarded as the first film to show explicit gore. Lewis did the film after a series of films which were noted for showing nudity. So, he decided to switch gears by resorting to violence. But he also kept made sexuality prominent, which is evident as the female lead is played by Playboy Playmate Connie Mason. So, it's not surprising that Lewis would make more similar films, beginning with 2000 Maniacs (1964).

Licence to Kill (1989)

This article looks at the most controversial entry in the James Bond series.

Here now is the Licence to Kill review that I initially planned to write before Sir Roger Moore’s passing.

If any entry in the James Bond series can be described as “polarizing”, it’s this one. Some love it for its intensity and for the way it does something different with the Bond formula, while others dislike it for precisely the same reason.

Adding fuel to this fire is the fact that this was Timothy Dalton’s second and final appearance as 007. After Sir Roger officially hung up his Walther PPK with A View to a Kill, Pierce Brosnan was originally chosen to take over the role in the 15th Bond picture The Living Daylights. However, this led to renewed interested in Pierce Brosnan’s TV series Remington Steele and his contract for that show prevented him from taking the role. This eventually led to Dalton taking on the 007 mantle instead.

However, some fans (unfairly or not) were miffed that Brosnan was denied the role that seemed destined to be his, and so they almost made it a point to pick on Dalton’s Bond from the get-go. Daylights itself is entertaining enough, but just as there were fans who criticized Sir Roger for his lighter take on Bond, so too were some quick to point out that Dalton was trying too hard to be serious. And that fire was definitely fueled when Daylights proved successful enough for Dalton to reprise his role as Bond in Licence to Kill.

The film begins with Bond and his buddy Felix Leiter (David Hedison, who previously played the role in Live and Let Die) en route to the latter’s wedding. Their trip is deferred when DEA agents arrive, telling Felix they have a chance to capture a ruthless drug lord named Franz Sanchez (Robert Davi).

After his henchman Dario (Benicio Del Toro, long before his Oscar win) cuts out the heart of the sap who was shagging Sanchez’s lady friend Lupe (Talisa Soto), Sanchez attempts to escape to Cuba by plane. But Bond manages to hook a cord onto it from the chopper that he and Felix are on. After that, the two pals parachute down to Felix’s wedding below, and cue title sequence.

During his interrogation, Sanchez informs DEA agent Ed Killifer (Everett McGill) that there’s a $2 million reward available for anyone who busts him out of prison. At the same time, Bond is enjoying Felix’s wedding reception. Actually, a bit too much I’d say, as he’s blatantly kissing the new Mrs. Leiter, Della (Priscilla Barnes). The newlyweds also give Bond a lighter with a flame that can go super high.

After Killifer stops by to wish the newlyweds well, he begins to transfer Sanchez to Quantico. But this trip doesn’t last long as Killifer KOs the driver of the truck, which eventually enables the drug lord to escape.

That night, Bond is bidding Felix and Della farewell after 007 politely refuses Della’s offer of her garter. This leads to a nice bit of continuity as Felix tells his wife that Bond was married once. But as is the case with all action films, the bad guys leap out of thin air just as the main hero disappears. Felix is knocked out and taken to what looks like an aquarium. Sanchez appears, and Felix is shocked that Killifer is involved in this, before Sanchez lowers Felix into a tank with a shark.

Felix curses Sanchez as the shark begins to munch on him.

The next morning, Bond pulls into an airport and learns that Sanchez has escaped (I guess it didn’t make the news sooner). He quickly bolts to Felix’s place, only to find Della dead and Felix mangled with a note saying, “He disagreed with something that ate him.” (The same thing happens to Felix in the novel of Live and Let Die).

Dalton gives us his Oscar Scene of Anger before Felix painfully stirs. Bond quickly sends for an ambulance, and a doctor says they’ll have to wait to see if Felix recovers.

With his pal Sharkey (Frank McRae), Bond finds the aquarium, which is owned by Milton Krest (Anthony Zerbe). Investigating further, Bond finds cocaine hidden beneath maggots. 007 soon gives these maggots a nice feast when he disables a security guard before tossing him into the box with the maggots. Bond then disposes of another guard by throwing him into a tank with an electric eel.

Killifer then holds Bond at gunpoint, telling him to go to the shark tank where Felix was mangled. But Sharkey’s unexpected presence allows Bond to toss Killifer into the tank instead, along with the $2 million he got for changing sides.

This investigation leads to Bond’s boss M (Robert Brown, in his final appearance in the role) personally making an appearance to order Bond to drop this matter and go on to his next assignment. But Bond feels obliged to continue, given his history with Felix, and tenders his resignation. When M orders the surrender of his weapon, he quickly escapes and becomes a rogue agent.

Bond later sneaks into Felix’s home and uncovers a CD full of classified info that only he and Felix knew about. This CD reveals that only one of the informants on Sanchez is still alive: ex-CIA pilot Pam Bouvier (Carey Lowell). The next day, Bond discovers Krest’s ship, the Wavekrest (which comes from the Bond short story “The Hildebrand Rarity” published in the For Your Eyes Only collection). Bond sneaks onboard and confronts Lupe, whom he recognizes from earlier in the film when he and Felix captured Sanchez. But all she offers him are her wooden line readings. Bond then discovers that Krest’s men have killed Sharkey, which leads 007 to kill those men before escaping with $5 million.

Bond traces Pam to a bar where he brings her up to speed. But Dario (who must be bad, since Pam says that the Contras kicked him out) and his thugs arrive to cause trouble. A shootout occurs before Bond and Pam escape in a speedboat. After some mandatory arguing, they agree to go to the fictional Republic of Isthmus to get Sanchez. And yes, this scene ends with the two of them making out in the boat (it’s a good thing Dario and his gang didn’t chase after them in one).

We next cut to London, where M chews out Moneypenny (Caroline Bliss, making her final appearance in the role) for making so many typing errors. I realize she misses James, but this makes me wonder how her job performance would have held up if his marriage had lasted longer. M also discovers that she’s been tracking Bond’s movements, and just flat out tells her that there are men on their way to Isthmus to intercept Bond. This plot exposition gives her plenty of info to pass along to Q (Desmond Llewelyn) over the phone.

James and Pam arrive in Isthmus, and Bond’s sexist nature proves as strong as ever when he informs a hotel maître-d that Pam is his secretary. The two later go to Sanchez’s estate, where the drug lord meets him after Bond chats with Lupe (making Pam jealous), and impresses everyone with his gambling skills. As he clandestinely views Sanchez’s office, Bond basically sweet-talks the drug lord into employing his services.

When he and Pam return to their hotel to discuss the matter, they’re informed that Bond’s uncle is awaiting them in their suite. Assuming the worst, Bond and Pam get ready, only to discover that the uncle is Q. Despite Bond’s protests, Q convinces him to use his gadgets.

One of these is toothpaste that’s a plastic explosive. This is just the thing Bond needs to get through the armored glass that lines Sanchez’s office. He’s also given a “signature gun”, which is a sniper’s rifle that only Bond can use.

After a “comedic” moment where Pam takes the master bed, forcing Bond and Q to sleep in the same room (with different beds, thankfully), Bond prepares for his hit on Sanchez the next evening. He stealthily places the toothpaste while Sanchez is hosting drug dealers from other parts of the world. Just as Bond prepares to set off the toothpaste, he sees Pam chatting with Sanchez’s head of security Heller (Don Stroud). The toothpaste blows away the glass, but Bond’s shot is disrupted by agents who turn out to be from the Hong Kong Narcotics Bureau. They take him to a warehouse where one of them, who was posing as one of Sanchez’s guests, angrily tells Bond that he may have fucked up an attempt to get Sanchez which the Hong Kong guys had been planning for years. To add to 007’s bad luck, an MI6 agent named Fallon (Christopher Neame) appears with orders from M to bring Bond back. Before either he or the Hong Kong guys can do anything else, Sanchez’s men ambush them, killing everyone except an unconscious Bond (what a surprise!), who’s next seen waking up in a fancy bedroom.

As with many of the other Bond films, this leads to a moment where Bond dines with his opponent. He informs Sanchez that he was once a British agent, and that the previous night’s attack must have been by people on the hunt for him. Sanchez encourages Bond to relax at his place for the night. This, of course, leads to him sleeping with Lupe after she silently tells him she loves him.

When Bond returns to his hotel, he violently asks Pam WTF is going on. She tells him that Heller was about to make a deal with her that would have resulted in Sanchez’s capture. That is, until Bond took his shot. So that makes this two attempts to capture Sanchez that Bond fucked up! The only thing overshadowing the irony here is where this will lead in the end.

But Bond’s not one to let his fuck-ups get in the way of getting some action (of all kinds). He infiltrates Sanchez’s warehouse while Pam and Q cover for him. The former does so by distracting Sanchez’s middleman, a TV evangelist played by (wait for it) Wayne Newton!

Bond temporarily gets Sanchez off his trail by framing Krest when he places the stolen $5 million on the Wavekrest. In the film’s grisliest moment, Sanchez kills Krest by sticking him in a decompression chamber until his head explodes (Zerbe would go through something similar years later in Star Trek: Insurrection).

But Dario finds Bond out, and after setting fire to Sanchez’s cocaine lab, Bond is placed on a conveyor belt that leads to a rock shredder. But Pam shoots Dario, allowing Bond a chance to toss him into the shredder instead.

As the fire spreads, Bond and Pam also find Heller’s body while Sanchez escapes, with our heroes following him by plane. Three of Sanchez’s four tankers are destroyed, and the drug lord and Bond fight on top the remaining one before it goes down a hill. Both combatants survive, but as Sanchez is ready to hack Bond with his machete, Bond pulls out his new lighter and torches his opponent.

The film ends at a party, where Bond is chatting on the phone with a recovering Felix (who doesn’t seem too broken up over the fact that he’s now a widower). Here now is the film’s biggest WTF Moment when Felix says that M wants Bond to come back.

Okaaay, Bond went rogue, which resulted in not one but two official operations against Sanchez getting fucked up big time. Plus, Bond’s actions led to the deaths of both British and Hong Kong agents. The only possible explanation for M welcoming Bond back with open arms must be that M is happy that he now has fewer checks to sign.

I can certainly understand why some Bond fans love this film. It has a deadly serious tone that contrasts with what the previous decade’s worth of entries established. One could definitely call this the polar opposite of Moonraker. That film brought out great spectacle with great flamboyance, and it was the latter that turned some fans off. Licence to Kill, on the other hand, has a lot less humor and a more mundane plot. Like Max Zorin in A View to a Kill, Sanchez doesn’t seek to conquer the world, just a certain aspect of it, and any people who die in their attempt to achieve that goal are merely collateral damage.

But just as Moonraker was accused of going overboard with the lightheartedness, many fans (myself included) thought that Licence went overboard in its attempts to be more mundane. By doing so, it comes across as downright boring in some scenes, and “boring” is something Moonraker cannot be accused of. Both Davi and Del Toro make fine villains, but the movie doesn’t seem to pick up the speed you think it would once Bond resigns and goes out on his own. I appreciate that the story is set into motion because of Bond’s friendship with Felix, which makes the viewers believe that it will lead to a nerve-jolting climatic confrontation between Bond and Sanchez (a la the fight between Bond and Grant in From Russia with Love). But no, said fight scene just consists of Bond whipping out a gadget that wasn’t supplied by Q and the villain quickly becomes charcoal.

What staggers me, however, is that those fans who love this film insist that it’s the closest to Fleming’s Bond. But as someone who’s read each book in that series more than once, I find it hard to agree with that sentiment. Not once did I imagine Bond to be as intense as Dalton plays him in either of his Bond outings. Now, before anyone says, “He’s closer to the books than Moore’s Bond,” as I once noted, both Connery and Moore gave the character a carefree aspect that I didn’t see in the books, which helped the film series become the great success it did. I can also say with 100% certainty that Bond never once frenched his BFF’s bride on her wedding day in any of the books.

This is not meant to knock Dalton, however. The success of the Bond films with Daniel Craig, who plays Bond in a similar manner, suggests that Dalton may have been ahead of his time with this interpretation. Both Connery and Moore’s Bonds thrived in a pre-9/11 world, whereas that tragic event made people crave more intense action heroes such as Jason Bourne. Craig’s Bond satisfied that desire perfectly (hence why some have called his Bond a Bourne knockoff).

In any case, Licence to Kill’s (relatively) lackluster reception coincided with legal issues that led to a drought of Bond movies for the next six years. During this time, Dalton resigned from playing Bond, which led to (for many) positive karma as Pierce Brosnan was finally able to play Bond when the series got back into production with Goldeneye.

Favorite Guilty Pleasure Films

We all have films that are guilty pleasures for us; I'm certainly no exception. A while back, I wrote an article on TheCelebrityCafe.com detailing five movies which are guilty pleasures of mine. Those five are:

1. Basic Instinct (1992):

This Paul Verhoeven film may top the list for me because, for one thing, it stars Michael Douglas (can’t get more A-list than that) as a detective who becomes involved with the prime suspect in a murder (Sharon Stone, who deservedly became a star with this film). Douglas is tough with his colleagues but, even when he should throw the book at his suspect, she manages to get him into bed repeatedly. The fact that the object of his desires likes romancing both genders made this film unique (among thrillers anyway) and controversial because gay rights groups protested the film, calling it homophobic. Still, as I've noted before, the stars and the atmospheric Jerry Goldsmith score make it as entertaining as Verhoeven’s best films: Robocop (1987) and Total Recall (1990).

2. Wild Things (1998):

Like Stone, Denise Richards became a star playing a manipulative woman who prefers the company of both genders. In this film, she plays a rich girl who accuses a teacher (Matt Dillon) of assaulting her. Another student (Neve Campbell) later comes forward with the same accusation. This draws the increasing interest of the cop on the case (Kevin Bacon). Just when it looks like Dillon is finished, however, we find out that there is a lot more to the story than meets the eye. The later character revelations prove as entertaining as they are contrived. All four stars are great, but the scene stealer is Bill Murray as Dillon’s lawyer.

3. Cocktail (1988):

Tom Cruise spent most of the 1980s playing roles which required him to use his famous smile extensively. The most transparent (story-wise) yet most entertaining film of his from that period is this one. He plays a down-on-his-luck bartender who is taken under the wing of a pro (Bryan Brown). His confidence regained, Cruise relocates to Jamaica, where he falls in love with an artist (Elizabeth Shue). Like all characters in films like this, we have to wonder how they make ends meet since all they seem to do is mope at home or enjoy the nightlife. What makes this watchable, though, are Cruise and Shue, who are as appealing as ever. Interestingly, Cruise’s other 1988 film was the Oscar-winning drama Rain Man. Many of his subsequent films, happily, have matched that one in terms of quality.

4. Moonraker (1979):

Let’s face it, once Bondmania kicked into high gear with Goldfinger (1964) and the budgets on all subsequent Bond films just got bigger and bigger, sending 007 into outer space was inevitable. Here, Bond (Roger Moore, in his fourth outing in the role) must stop an evil industrialist (Michael Lonsdale) from killing all human life from his space station, from which he then intends to rule Earth with his master race of people. In fairness, this film is great fun (and no more outlandish than most other 007 films) if you just remove the stupid girlfriend the writers decided to give the villainous Jaws (Richard Kiel), in the same way that It's Your First Kiss, Charlie Brown(1977) is as much fun as the other Peanuts specials if you remove the scenes where Peppermint Patty & Lucy blame Charlie Brown for something Lucy did. The SFX and music are first rate, and the best part is the film is never boring, unlike its polar opposite, Licence to Kill (1989).

5. Obsessed (2009):

Imagine the overrated thriller, Fatal Attraction (1987), only with the male lead (here played by Idris Elba) as a decent individual, and his wife (Beyonce Knowles) taking matters into her own hands by fighting with the woman (Ali Larter) who wants to destroy their marriage. That is what makes this one watchable. I wonder, though, how things would have played out for this couple if they didn’t have that nice big house for two beautiful women to fight in.

Robin and Marian (1976)

"I love you...more than God!"
-Maid Marian to Robin Hood.

To ring in Valentine's Day, I'm looking at a film which was ahead of its time, but used a classic, beloved love story as its template.
The first film version of Robin Hood I remember seeing was Disney's animated Robin Hood (1973), in which animals played the parts, including a Baloo-esque bear as Little John. It is not as praised as other Disney outings such as Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1937) or Beauty and the Beast (1991), but it is fun, with great, funny voice work from Sir Peter Ustinov as Prince John (who is a lion) and Terry-Thomas as his aide Sir Hiss (who's a snake).
But the most famous film version of the outlaw who robbed from the rich to feed the poor during the Crusades is The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938), which its wonderful set pieces and Errol Flynn's Robin sword fighting with Sir Guy of Gisbourne, played by the great Basil Rathbone. The movie deservedly won Oscars for Art Direction, Film Editing and Erich Wolfgang Korngold's musical score.
There have been other film versions of Robin Hood, including a TV series which ran from 1955-1959. But, after Flynn's version, the most well-known version is probably Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves(1991), in which Kevin Costner played the title role. Costner himself was criticized for not sounding British, but other aspects of the movie were praised, including Alan Rickman's funny and scary turn as the Sheriff of Nottingham and Morgan Freeman's work as Robin's Moorish friend Azeem. Another nice touch was Sir Sean Connery's cameo as Richard the Lionheart at the movie's end. This gave celebrity cameos in films a good name because his presence was a delightful surprise for both the audience and the characters. It was also fitting because Connery played the role of Robin Hood himself 15 years earlier in Robin and Marian.
This version tells the story of the outlaw with a unique twist. It begins years after Robin thwarted the Sheriff (Robert Shaw) while romancing Maid Marian (Audrey Hepburn). Robin and Little John (Nicol Williamson) are now in France as the Crusades are reaching their end. They begin to express disapproval over the violent methods used by Richard (Richard Harris) when he needlessly slaughters the people inside a castle Richard mistakenly thinks houses a gold statue. After ordering Robin and John's incarceration, Richard is wounded before he carries out the killings.
Robin is later brought before the dying King, who attempts to kill him, but is too weak and, with his dying breath, releases Robin and Little John.
Following Richard's funeral, Robin decides that the time is right to return to England. Once there, they reunite with their friends Will Scarlet (Denholm Elliott) and Friar Tuck (Ronnie Barker), who inform him that Marian is now a nun. Robin and Little John head to the abbey she is at. Marian is surprised to see her former love but has no interest in reuniting with him, as she is ready to turn herself in to the Sheriff for going against the orders of King John (Ian Holm).
Robin saves Marian despite the pleas of both her and the Sheriff, neither of whom wish for any trouble to arise.
When they return to Sherwood Forest, Robin and Marian have a heart-to-heart in which she asks him if he really wants another conflict with the Sheriff on his hands. Robin replies by telling her an incident in which he and Little John witnessed Richard ordering the killing of many Muslims while the churchmen accompanying them praised the carnage as a sign of God's greatness. He then says that the only reason he didn't return to England at that point was out of his loyalty to Richard.
At the same time, the Sheriff's compatriot Sir Ranulf (Kenneth Haigh) leads troops into Sherwood to take Robin, despite the Sheriff's warnings that he won't succeed. Robin kills Ranulf's men and spares him with a hostile warning. He then tells Marian he simply wants to resume his life in Sherwood with her.
Robin's return also brings cheers from the populace, some of whom wish to join him. This leads to King John ordering the arrests and murders of many of them. During this, Little John kills Sir Ranulf.
Robin then realizes that the only way he can end this is to challenge the Sheriff to a duel. This duel ends with Robin being mortally wounded before vanquishing the Sheriff. Little John and Marian take her to her abbey to tend to his wounds. It is then that she clandestinely gives both Robin and herself poison. Anguished at first, Robin then realizes that he would not have been able to recover and Marian simply took the step that would ensure they'd always be together. He then aims an arrow out the window toward Sherwood and tells a tearful Little John to bury them where the arrow lands.
Fittingly, the last shot of the film is a P.O.V. shot of the arrow as it goes up in the air.
Needless to say, all the actors are letter perfect in their roles here. Connery and Hepburn in the title roles elevate this movie to one of the great movie love stories, right up there with Casablanca (1942), and has a nice, romantic John Barry score to match.
The two stars are matched by Williamson whose Little John is loyal to Robin without simply being 'the sidekick.' One of the most touching moments in the film, though, is when he tells Marian:
"If I was Robin, I never would have left you."
This notion of Little John being in love with someone who is attached to his best friend makes for a moving twist and makes Little John's sadness at the end of the picture even more poignant.
Harris's brief but memorable appearance as Richard is also great. Depending on who you ask, the real Richard was either a hero or a tyrant, so it's interesting that a Robin Hood movie paints him as the latter, especially when Connery's depiction of the character in Prince of Thieves was more heroic.
Also great is Shaw, whose Sheriff is that rarest of antagonists: thoughtful. Robin wishes to return to the glorious life he led before joining Richard, but the Sheriff does not necessarily wish to restart their old conflict. But he also believes that they are tied by destiny, hence his line to Sir Raulf when the latter proclaims Robin is a dead man:
"Yes, but not just anyone's. He's mine!"
Their climatic fight scene is also a highlight, without falling into the trap of simply being a redo of the fight scene between Connery and Shaw in From Russia With Love (1963), the second James Bond movie. That conflict, between Connery's 007 and Shaw's Grant, is, without a doubt the best mano-a-mano fight scene in movie history. Their fight in this film is just as memorable because the characters and the motivations are different (Robin and the Sheriff actually help each other get to their feet before their fight begins). In both films, their characters have nice dialogue exchanges prior to their fight scenes.
This movie also became noteworthy for marking Hepburn's return to the big screen after eight years. When he introduced the picture on Turner Classic Movies in 2002, Robert Osborne stated that Marian was her last great role.
In a way, this takes Robin, Marian and the others in a different direction the same way The Dark Knight (2008) took the character of Batman in a different direction. The key difference is that the ending to this picture is even more downbeat (even Prince of Thieves, with its gritty tone, has an ending that makes you smile).
Replace the well-known characters with people we never heard of and this picture may have been as successful as Love Story (1970). But the fact that this picture was a Robin Hood picture led to expectations from the public that it'd be a fun adventure (indeed, the original title was The Death of Robin Hood, but Columbia Pictures, which released the film, thought a title change would make it more marketable), especially since it was directed by Richard Lester, who previously scored with the one-two punch of The Three Musketeers (1973) and The Four Musketeers (1974).
Hence, the film's bold decision to do something different with these beloved figures proved something of a double-edge sword as audiences were initially not inclined to see a film which didn't end with Robin and Marian living happily ever after.
But this film deserves credit for doing something different. It also aims to put a lump in your throat and succeeds wonderfully.

Still More Underrated Movie Lines

Here now is the third installment in our series of lines from famous movies that aren't quoted often, but I'll never get tired of hearing.
1. The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973):
The penultimate entry in Hammer's Dracula series and the last one to star Christopher Lee as the Count. By this point, Lee was frustrated with the series due to how far it had strayed from the material in the original Bram Stoker novel. The fact that this film (which was released in the U.S. with the generic title Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride) and its immediate predecessor, Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972), were set in contemporary times certainly suggests that the filmmakers were desperately looking for ways to keep the series going. But this film's biggest weakness is not its cotemporary setting, but its plot, which has the count attempting to introduce a plague to kill humanity, even though doing so will deprive him of his sources of blood, a little tidbit even Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) points out to him in the film's climax.
But, like Halloween II, this film still manages to be entertaining in spite of its gaps in logic thanks to its stars. I also liked the musical score by John Cacavas, even if it doesn't necessarily make me think of the Count the way James Bernard's great score in the first film in the series, Horror of Dracula (1958), did.
A wonderful line comes from Lee at this movie's climax when his plans to kill Van Helsing and his granddaughter (Joanna Lumley) are thwarted:
"My revenge is spread over centuries and has just begun!"
This is a great line because of Lee's delivery and because it was one of the few lines from Stoker's novel to find its way into a film script.
But the quality of the series would continue to go down with the next and final entry in Hammer's series, the watchable but unspectacular Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires (1974), which combined the vampire genre with kung fu (the film was a co-production between Hammer and Hong Kong's Run Run Shaw studio). Lee declined what was essentially a two-minute cameo in the movie (Dracula was played by John Forbes-Robertson), which is just as well because, that same year, Lee had one of his best roles as the title character in...

2. The Man With the Golden Gun (1974):
Roger Moore's sophomore outing as 007 is often criticized for its weak leading lady (Britt Ekland), but I thought its weakest aspect was Bond's ally Hip (Soon Tek-Oh), who, at one point, simply abandons 007 in a weak setup to get Bond to outmaneuver persuing bad guys by himself.
Fortunately, this film is still watchable thanks to the great interplay between Sir Roger's Bond and Lee's Scaramanga. While Richard Kiel's Jaws (who appeared in the next two entries in the series) gets all the attention (and is a great character), I always thought Scaramanga was the best Bond villain from Moore's Bond films.
Lee said that he played the character as the dark side of Bond, and, indeed, unlike his fellow Bond villains, he admires 007 to the point where he has a full-scale figure of him in his home.
This makes the scene where Bond and Scaramanga dine together unique among the other similar scenes in the series. Scaramanga points out that they are similar even though Bond acts on behalf of queen and country. Bond gets one of his best lines when he points out a major difference between them.
"When I kill, it's under specific orders from my government-and those I kill are themselves killers!"
While some foolishly say that Sir Roger's Bond became too much of a joke, this line proves that he could be as serious as the other 007s.

3. The Thing (1982):
This film, about a group of men fighting a shapeshifting alien which has infiltrated their isolated outpost in Antartica, is certainly one which gives remakes a good name. It is superior to the original The Thing From Another World (1951), because it does not relentlessly copy it and it retains the spirit of the original 1938 John Campbell story Who Goes There?.
Kurt Russell is obviously the lead but, while he's good as always, the best line comes from David Clennon's Palmer, who says
"You gotta be fucking kidding!" after seeing the title character revert to a, shall we say, bizarre form to escape from their efforts to kill it. As one of my colleagues noted, that line is the best f-bomb in movie history. This is because it perfectly reflects what both the characters and the audience are thinking at this point in the film. In addition, the line comes naturally from the situation, unlike many other films which fall all over themselves trying to come up with a line the filmmakers hope will be a classic one.
But there's an equally great line later in the film. After Russell's MacReady deduces that they can determine who is still human by testing samples of everyone's blood, he goes through the remaining staff members until base leader Garry (Donald Moffat) is left. Once it is revealed that he is still human, Garry rants in an initally-calm tone:
"I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING COUCH!!!"
Like Palmer's line, this line is great because it comes naturally from the situation.

4. Frantic (1988):
While the film was not as intense as In the Line of Fire (1993), which surprised me given Roman Polanski's real-life involvement with this sort of ordeal, Harrison Ford was perfect casting as the doctor whose wife (Betty Buckley) is abducted while they are vacationing in Paris.
While the movie's villains are underplayed and the U.S. Embassy officials Richard Walker (Ford) turns to for help are stereotypically useless, Ford has many great moments which make it easy to side with him. One such moment is when he attempts to phone the Embassy for help and is repeatedly asked how to spell his wife's name and the location he's calling at. Walker then understandably says:
"With an 'S' for Shithead!"
If only everything around Ford in the film could match his great performance, this movie would probably have been as successful as basically all the other films he put out during the 1980s and 1990s.

5. A Few Good Men (1992):
Naturally, the most famous line from this film is Col. Nathan Jessup (Jack Nicholson) tells Dan Kaffee (Tom Cruise) that he can't handle the truth.
But there's another line from earlier in the film which my sister loves. After an earlier court hearing, Kaffee's colleagues Sam Weinberg (Kevin Pollack) and Joanne Galloway (Demi Moore) have an argument about if the marines they are defending are truly innocent. Weinberg then asks Galloway why she is so taken in with their clients' plight, to which she answers:
"Because they stand on a wall and say 'Nothing is going to happen to you tonight-not on my watch!"
When she introduced this film at the Academy Awards a few months later (Men was one of the Best Picture nominees), Kathy Bates rightly noted Galloway's contribution to the film's story by saying "A few good men...and one woman."

More Underrated Movie Lines

Here now is another entry with movie lines from well-known films which I don't hear quoted as often as I think they should be.

1. The Bride of Frankenstein (1935):

Along with The Godfather Part II (1974) and Aliens (1986), this is one sequel which I agree with the consensus as being arguably better than its predecessor. Interestingly, I don't hear as many lines being quoted from this film as I do from Frankenstein (1931). One such line is when Dr. Pretorius (Ernest Thesiger) shows Frankenstein (Colin Clive) his homunculi (miniature people). Upon introducing the one which resembles a devil, Pretorius asks:
"He bears a strong resemblance to me, don't you think? Or do I flatter myself?"
I must also point out how the character does not freak out when he finally encounters the Monster (Boris Karloff). Naturally, we know that it is due to his plans to create a mate for him, but the fact that, due perhaps to his own unusual persona, Pretorius instantly treats the Monster with more respect than other people makes his demise at the film's end somewhat sad.

2. Goldfinger (1964):

Yes, Skyfall (2012) was entertaining, but this film, the third James Bond movie, remains the high-water mark of the Bond series, both artistically and culturally.
The most famous line is Goldfinger (Gert Frobe) telling Bond (Sean Connery) he expects him to die as 007 is pinned down by an approaching laser beam and asks Goldfinger if he expects him to talk.
But Bond talks him out of killing him and is eventually taken to Goldfinger's horse ranch in Kentucky. Upon arriving, Goldfinger greets him and refers to a passing horse asking Bond:
"Lovely animal, isn't she?"
To which Bond replies:
"Certainly better bred than the owner."
Needless to say, Sir Sean's ability to deliver nice lines with such aplomb was something both Daniel Craig's and Timothy Dalton's Bonds could have really used.

3. Star Wars (1977):

Like The Princess Bride, this movie has many lines which had been ingrained into pop culture. So, like the aforementioned Rob Reiner film, maybe it was inevitable that one line got lost in the shuffle.
For me, that line comes after our heroes escape the Death Star and fight off some TIE Fighters. Han Solo (Harrison Ford) then tells Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher):
"Not a bad bit of rescuing, huh? You know, sometimes I amaze even myself."
The Princess replies with:
"That doesn't sound too hard."
I'd say that many subsequent movie romances end up falling flat on their face because nice, unforced dialogue such as this has become more the exception than the norm.

4. Halloween II (1981):

No, this film does not hold a candle to Halloween (1978), but as one of my colleagues noted in her review of the film, it does deserve some credit for its nice camerawork and, perhaps even more importantly, reuniting almost all of the same people who worked on the first film (on both sides of the camera).
While the film should be faulted for both its Star Wars-esque revelation of the relationship between Michael Myers and Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) and for giving us the darkest and most understaffed hospital in movie history, it is still entertaining thanks mainly to Donald Pleasance who, in the midst of this nonsense, gives us a wonderful reprisal of Dr. Sam Loomis, who relentlessly hunts Michael down in order to stop his reign of terror.
The film begins where its predecessor ends when Loomis saves Laurie's life by shooting Michael off the balcony of the two-story house where she was babysitting. When Loomis realizes Michael's body is gone, he goes outside to investigate. A neighbor then comes out asking what the commotion is about. When Loomis tells him to call the police, the neighbor says he's been trick-or-treated to death already. To which Loomis replies:
"You don't know what death is!"
It's a pity a stronger film wasn't built around this great line.

5. Total Recall (1990):

This film is unique in Arnold Schwarzenegger's filmography for me because, while he still has action moments, he displays more vulnerability than he had previously. The Philip K. Dick short story the film is adapted from (titled "We Can Remember It For You Wholesale") certainly doesn't have a protagonist resembling Arnold. But the actor brought the necessary pathos required for the role of a man who is searching for his own identity. Hence, this film, while it certainly has action, proved to me that Arnold could be more than just a one-liner action star.
While Arnold's line "Consider that a divorce" became famous, there is a line from the villainous Vilos Cohaagen (Ronny Cox) when he confronts Quaid (Schwarzenegger) at the film's climax which I found hilarious.
"In 30 seconds, you'll be dead, and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for corn flakes!"
Maybe it's the way Cox delivers the line, but I just didn't expect the guy who played Dick Jones in Robocop (1987) to say a line that would crack me up.

Underrated movie lines

For this entry, I'm actually going to focus on five films which most everyone knows about, even if they haven't seen them. Specifically, I'm going to look at lines from those films which I haven't heard many people quote as often as, say, "I am your father," but which I still loved.



1. Dr. No (1962):

This film, of course, began the James Bond film series and, naturally, introduced the world to the line "Bond...James Bond."
One line that I've always loved from this film, though, is the one spoken by Bond (Sean Connery) when he dines with the villainous title character (Joseph Wiseman).
"Tell me, does the toppling of American missiles really compensate for having no hands?"
The doctor, whose hands were lost in a lab accident and replaced with metallic appendages that can crush steel, actually pauses before simply telling Bond that his plans to sabotage the U.S. space program is just one step in bringing the world to its knees.

2. Superman (1978):

This film became the yardstick by which all superhero movies have since been measured for many reasons. One major reason is, of course, Christopher Reeve's wonderful portrayal of the title character. In lesser hands, the Man of Steel/Clark Kent would have been reduced to a second-rate Dudley Do-Right in this film, but, thanks to the foresight of director Richard Donner, Reeve was able to bring actual acting to the table (unlike Michael Keaton when he played Batman) and, thus, was able to act morally righteous without coming off as sappy.
That was probably best illustrated when the Man of Steel and Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) meet on her balcony before taking their romantic flight. When Lois asks him why he's on Earth, he replies with:
"I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the American way!"
To which Lois, without missing a beat, replies:
"You're gonna end up fighting every elected official in this country."
This film, which was released the year the superhero turned 40, came out years after Watergate shook our faith in our elected officials, so this exchange is great because it reminds us of what Superman is about and how the character can adapt to changing times.




3. Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979):

This movie is what I call a 'rainy day' film, meaning that if I'm flipping through channels and come across this, I'd be willing to sit through it if nothing better is on. Yes, with the exception of Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989), all the following movies with the original Trek crew are better than this one. But this is not to say that TMP does not have its good points (my wife liked this film a lot more than I thought she would). Production value-wise, it remains, to this day, the best looking of all the Trek films. I must also mention the great Jerry Goldsmith score, which is probably my favorite aspect of the film.
Although TMP was criticized for not giving Trek fans the character interplay that the series possessed, there is one nice moment which briefly captures that aspect of the beloved series.
Once Spock (Leonard Nimoy) has come back on the Enterprise, he meets with Kirk (William Shatner) and McCoy (DeForest Kelley). The good doctor begins by saying:
"Spock, you haven't changed a bit. You're just as warm and as sociable as ever!"
To which Spock replies with:
"Nor have you, Doctor, as your continued predilection toward irrelevancy demonstrates."
This harkens back to the classic Spock/McCoy exchanges of the series. Nimoy wrote in his autobiography I am Spock that he offered a line for Spock in the film's final scene when Scotty (James Doohan) tells him that he can be back on Vulcan in four days. Nimoy said that he suggested Spock say that his continued presence on the ship would be essential if McCoy was to remain on board.
However, what could have been a great line was cut from the final film, which is a shame as more witty dialogue such as that would certainly have given TMP a better reputation.




4. The Princess Bride (1987):

Now here is one film which has many classic lines. I have seen "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!" on more bumper stickers than I can count.
One nice line which I haven't heard quoted from this great film often, though, is what Humperdink (Chris Sarandon) tells Westley (Cary Elwes) before he unleashes the Machine's full strength on him.
"You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say."
While the Shrek films ended up beating us over the head with the fact that they were spoofs of fairy tales, Bride was a fairy tale played out in a straightforward manner, which makes this one line a great wink at the audience.



5. Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (1997):

This film obviously has a following, but, while Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow made a nice team, I didn't find it very funny.
However, there is one line that cracked me up. When Romy (Sorvino) suggests that she and Michele (Kudrow) invented post-its, Michele becomes irritable because it sounds like Romy is taking all the credit for their 'invention.' This leads to a verbal fight in which they argue about, among other things, which of them is better looking. Michele then asks:
"Who lost their virginity first?"
To which Romy answers:
"Oh, big whoop with your cousin Barry. I wouldn't brag about it."
I wish the rest of the film had lines that made me chuckle as much as that one did.

The Professional: Golgo 13 (1983)

"I'm going to settle this problem with Golgo 13 no matter what it takes! And if I have to blow up a city or two in the process, I will!"
-Leonard Dawson



I must confess that, while I've read many comics, I'm not what you would call a Manga expert. The only Manga character I know anything about is hitman Duke Togo, codename: Golgo 13. Created in 1969, this guy is a professional hit man for hire. I've heard some compare him to James Bond (he travels the world and beds a number of women), but, while 007 acts on behalf of Queen and country, Golgo 13 is just in it for the money (much like Clint Eastwood in the great westerns he did for Sergio Leone).
Ironically, I first heard of Golgo 13, not by reading one of his stories, but with a video game. In 1988, the original Nintendo system released Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode, which was the most complex video game I played at that time. Hence, it was all the more gratifying when I finally beat it. Hence, I was the first in line when its sequel The Mafat Conspiracy hit stores two years later.
This film was the first animated movie based on the manga.
It begins with Golgo 13 killing Robert Dawson, the son of ruthless industrialist Leonard Dawson.
This act prompts the elder Dawson to terminate Golgo 13 using many of the cronies at his disposal. One of them, a James Bond-esque villain called Snake, agrees to do so after Dawson allows him to rape his now-widowed daughter-in-law Laura.
Eventually, Togo goes through all of Dawson's men and, after confronting Dawson, we learn that Robert ordered Golgo 13 to kill him because he did not view himself worthy of inheriting his father's giant empire.
I also want to note that, given how Togo is so stone faced whether facing certain death or having sex, this may be the perfect part for Steven Seagal.
This film is also noteworthy for being the first to incorporate CGI animation, something we all basically take for granted today.
Other films and video games about Togo have followed but I still don't know of many people who have heard of him.
This is why I think it was smart of Steven Spielberg to have released his latest film, The Adventures of Tintin (2011), in Europe before the U.S. Tintin has been a legend in Europe for a while and the response of the Tintin's huge following there basically determined if Spielberg did the character justice. Hence, it wouldn't have really mattered if Tintin did any business in the U.S.-for fans of Herge's character the film was a success.