Xena: Warrior Princess-"A Solstice Carol"

This is a look at Xena's Christmas episode.

One of the charms of Xena: Warrior Princess, as well as its progenitor Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, is how episodes could alternate from charming romps to dark dramas. This episode certainly falls into the former category, since (as the title obviously states) this is a take on the classic Charles Dickens story A Christmas Carol.

The Scrooge of this story is King Silvas (Peter Vere-Jones) who, at the episode’s opening, is sentencing an elderly couple to a decade of hard labor for evading their taxes. He adds another year to that after also condemning them for singing Solstice carols (remember, this was before the birth of Christ, so it wasn’t called “Christmas” yet), as well as engaging in other holiday activities.

After the couple is taken away, the king calls for his aide Senticles—you can guess what that name sounds like—to ask about the eviction notice for the day. Senticles (Joe Berryman) is scared to remind the king that it’s the eve of the winter solstice, so he says it’s getting late, which prompts the king to tell him to get on it.

Elsewhere, Xena and Gabrielle are girl-talking while going through a village. Suddenly, a boy snatches Xena’s chakrum and darts off. She and Gabrielle follow him to a room where they see he and some other children have used the chakrum as the star for their tree. Their caretaker Melana (Sher Booth) expresses disapproval when Xena says the chakrum belongs to her, but more immediate concerns arise when Senticles shows up with a proclamation saying she and the kids will be evicted from their orphanage if they don’t pay 1,000 dinars by midnight. One of the guards with Senticles says everyone should be arrested now, but Xena puts a stop to that when she flings through the air and grabs her chakrum. As Gabrielle pulls Senticles away, Xena uses her weapon to tie the guards up. The children’s caretaker explains that King Silvas has made it a crime to celebrate the winter solstice in their town.

After the title sequence, Senticles explains to Xena and Gabrielle that he was once a toymaker, but Silvas forced him to take his current job after outlawing toys. Gabrielle sympathizes with him as she remembers owning a toy he made when she was younger. Melana states that Silvas took such a hard stance on the solstice when he lost his wife Analia on Solstice Eve thirty years earlier.

This prompts Gabrielle to remember a story she once heard, which the children are all too eager to hear her recite. Said story is about a hardened man who was visited by the Fates. Sadly, this visit did not prompt him to change his ways, so they turned him into a spirit destined to roam for eternity in limbo. But Gabrielle thinks they could give Silvas a happier ending. Xena has her doubts, but as this is the holiday season and all, agrees to try it. But they can’t just walk into Silvas’s castle, which is why they draft Senticles to let Xena in, while Gabrielle goes off to get needed supplies.

In the marketplace, Gabrielle sees a man trying to get his donkey to move. She expresses interest in purchasing the animal, which she learns the owner is attempting to take to have skinned. No wonder the donkey won’t move. She and the owner do some bantering about the price, agreeing to all 35 dinars Gabrielle has with her.

In Silvas’ castle, Xena lets herself into the king’s bedroom as he’s napping. He’s understandably freaked out when he wakes up, but Xena introduces herself before saying that things could be better if Silvas lets his people celebrate the solstice. He summons his guards, prompting Xena to bolt while giving Silvas a warning. She swings to the castle’s lower level and sees solstice decorations covered with years of dust and cobwebs. She also sees a portrait of Silvas with his wife Analia.

Meanwhile, Gabrielle is trying to kindly break the news to the donkey, named Tobias, that he can’t stay inside for the night. But she’s having difficulty getting him to move, until one of the kids, named Lynal (Daniel James) whistles to his friends, which does the trick.

Xena commends Senticles when she sees him making changes to the king’s orders. But he doesn’t view himself as a hero, and tells her he can’t risk going to prison if he goes along with what she has in mind. However, Xena tells him not to discredit himself or the children.

Gabrielle tells the children, Melana, and (yes) Tobias about the magic of the winter solstice. This prompts a couple of kids to make their own solstice wishes, such as a nice dinner and presents. As they go off to hang their stockings, Xena and Senticles come in, with the former hoping things don’t get physical if Gabrielle’s plan doesn’t work. Gabrielle is confident and tells Xena that she spent all their money to buy Tobias. But Xena states that they have everything they need for their plan.

Said plan begins with a return to Silvas’ bedroom as the king is, once again, woken up by Xena. This time, though, she’s disguised as Clotho, the first of the Fates who represents the past. The irritated king asks if she’s really one of the Fates, which Xena answers by pointing to a rotating hourglass that Senticles is manipulating behind a nearby curtain. The king is convinced when Senticles shoots a dart, which shatters it.

Xena takes Silvas to the abandoned lower level, where he sees Gabrielle disguised as his wife Analia, seemingly floating in the air, and telling him to change his ways. That’s when we see that it’s Tobias, with Senticles’s supervision, who’s holding the rope that’s levitating Gabrielle from outside the castle. Alas, nearby guards whistle at a passing village girl, prompting Tobias to move, which in turn causes Gabrielle to fall to the floor. Fortunately, Xena is able to correct things with a whistle of her own, while Silvas downs a drink she gave him a moment earlier.

“Analia” tells Silvas to not let her death haunt him any longer. But our heroines are surprised when the king states that his queen didn’t die, but rather she left him. Gabrielle tries to say she’s speaking metaphorically, but the king becomes confused until the sleeping potion in his drink kicks in. As Xena takes him back to bed, Gabrielle goes outside and finds Tobias, but no Senticles.

Silvas’s sleep is again interrupted by Xena, now disguised as the second Fate Lachesis, representing the present. She also insists the king put on rags she threw on his bed and leave his crown behind in order to walk among his subjects.

Gabrielle finds Senticles, who informs her that he bolted because he was afraid the guards would throw him in prison. He further tells Gabrielle to leave him alone, but her eyes widen when she sees all the toys in his room. He becomes smitten with her idea of putting the toys in a nearby sack and hiding them for the children to find. Gabrielle also suggests that he disguise himself so the guards won’t recognize him. When Senticles once again expresses his fear of prison and small spaces, Gabrielle tells him to grow a pair.

“Lachesis” takes Silvas to the orphanage, where Lynal offers them shelter. This offer is accompanied by Lynal stating how greedy and cruel the king is, which perks up Silvas’s ears.

Gabrielle, Tobias, and Senticles (wearing a big fake white beard) head for the orphanage and come across Silvas’ guards heading in the same direction. At the orphanage, Silvas is moved by the children’s singing, but not enough to change his ways. Rather, he starts blaming the Fates for ending his marriage and storms out, but is stopped by his own guards, who think he’s an average citizen.

Xena takes care of the guards by blocking the entrance to the orphanage. Silvas is shocked that his own guards tried to arrest him and promptly faints. Xena tells Lynal to look after the other orphans, and taking note of Melana’s necklace, instructs her to look after Silvas. Senticles and Gabrielle join them after they (yep!) enter the orphanage by falling down its chimney, with Senticles wearing a red suit. As he compliments himself for conquering his fear of small spaces, Gabrielle admits that their plan didn’t work, and she and Xena must resort to more physical methods.

The guards break in, and sure enough, Xena, Gabrielle, and Senticles fight them with the toys and ornaments, prompting him to go “ho, ho, ho” as they take the guards down.

Silvas wakes up and sees Melana. Her face is partially concealed, which convinces him that she’s the Fate representing the future. The chilliness in the room makes him think that he’s in a tomb, and he thinks that the noises from the fight are the souls of his subjects crying out to him. When Melana offers Silvas a hand, he thinks she means to carry him away. This is when he forcefully states that he’ll make amends, and heads out to where the fight is.

Senticles shoots a guard with a toy crossbow (saying “Go ahead! Make my day!”), while Xena fights off other guards with a Hercules puppet, which she thanks. Gabrielle briefly pauses when the bells she uses to knock out two other guards then play the tune of “Jingle Bells”. Another guard annoys us with his sword-twirling until Xena puts him out of our misery by sending a toy unicorn’s horn up his ass. The orphans ward off more guards as Silvas joins the fight.

The children cheer as the guards run off and Silvas says they won’t be evicted. Melana appears, and as it turns out, she’s actually Analia. Silvas apologizes to her and they make amends.

Shortly afterward, Xena and Gabrielle head off with Tobias and Xena’s horse Argo. They come across a couple with a baby heading west. Gabrielle generously gives them Tobias to make their journey easier. Xena compliments Gabrielle on her generosity and gives her a solstice gift of her own: a small wooden lamb. The episode ends on a sweet note when Gabrielle notes her lack of a gift for Xena, and Xena replies that Gabrielle herself is a gift.

This episode shows how the series was definitely firing on all cylinders by this point, with the bond between our heroines as strong as ever. Despite the curious lack of snow for the winter solstice, and no explanation for why Senticles said Analia was dead, this episode ranks right up there with A Charlie Brown Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas as must-see TV for the holiday season.

Interview with Melanie Kinnaman

Last week, I had the pleasure of chatting with the beautiful Melanie Kinnaman, who's best known for her role in Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning.

I recently had the pleasure of chatting with actress Melanie Kinnaman. She’s probably best-known as the “final girl” in Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning, but here she also discusses her other roles and interests.

Melanie, what first inspired you to go into acting?

I started as a dancer at age 4. I was good at it, so I kept dancing and now teach it. I’m also a singer. So all that propelled me to step out and act. I acted in commercials, which helped me spread my wings early on.

You obviously have a big following thanks to your role in Friday the 13th Part V. Would you like to return to the franchise?

Oh, sure. There has to be a good script. Those scripts in the early days may not have been perfect, but they kept your attention. They held the audience. So another one would have to be in that same flavor.

Were you a horror fan prior to appearing in that film?

I like Hitchcock. I was a fan of the classics, which weren’t as gory as the ones made now.

Which of the other roles you’ve played stand out for you?

Everything is like having a bunch of children. You don’t have a favorite. I did have fun on Cheers and Hill Street Blues. Sometimes the experiences are better, but you love all the roles. But each experience is always different.

Are there any actors, actresses, or directors that you’d like to work with?

Oh my god, there are so many. Everyone wants to work with John Carpenter [chuckles]. But many of the greats have died. Bernardo Bertolucci just died recently. I’d like to do a Stephen King piece. Steven Spielberg is exceptional.

Many actors and actresses have also tried their hand at directing. Do you plan to do something like that?

I find it interesting. I’m a choreographer, so that’s directing in a sense. You are directing the movement, the whole piece. So I definitely find it interesting.

Are there any types of movies or TV shows that you’d like to take part in?

Stranger Things is one. There are many things on Netflix that really have opened up the whole industry for us. Netflix will take anything experimental, unlike studios. Ozark is a great show with great writers, so I’d love to take part in that.

Of the numerous television credits to your name, is there one that’s your favorite?

Hill Street Blues and Cheers probably tie for that. Cheers was a great experience because doing three-camera comedy is the best and I worked with great people, great writers. Soaps are a different thing. Sometimes it’s a different director each day. But Hill Street Blues for drama and Cheers for comedy.

You’ve also acted on the stage. How is that different from acting in films and television?

Well, it’s so immediate. It’s very exciting. The audience is there so there’s no retake. There’s no stopping and no chance to redo. You feel the audience and their response to what you’re doing. You get the energy from the audience that you don’t get in a film. Live theater is fluid. You start at the top and go all the way through. You have a seamless feeling and it’s different each night, whether it’s a long or short run. Different things happen each night. There’s a different nuance with the people you act with in each performance. It may be very subtle and very slight and the audience may not catch it, but you do.

Can you tell us anything about your upcoming projects?

I’m doing a lot of small independent projects right now. It’s fun because they are not big and you spend more time developing and creating and don’t have a time limit from the studio or a big company. One of these projects is a horror film and the other is a comedy. I have fun doing the small independent projects because you can give more input, which is something that’s often limited by a bigger studio. The input you are allowed to give in that case is usually limited to the character you play, whereas independent projects allow you to give your thoughts on more.

Bride of the Monster (1955)

Here's a look at a 'classic' bad movie.

There are varying degrees of both good and bad when it comes to movies, of course. Some movies are so awful they’re only worth watching just once, but others are bad in such an enjoyable way that you can’t help giving them another look from time to time.

The filmmaker who was a master of the latter kind of bad was most certainly Ed Wood. Intentionally or not, he mastered the art of the “so bad it’s good” film genre, thanks to the movies he made during the 1950s. By the start of the ’80s, Wood, who died in 1978, was voted by film critics as the worst director of all time, and his movie Plan 9 from Outer Space was voted as the worst movie of all time. This prompted more people to give Wood’s work a look.

One such film was Bride of the Monster, released four years before Plan 9. Like that movie, it starred the legendary Bela Lugosi. But while Plan 9 had only a little footage of the actor (who died in 1956, three years before Plan 9‘s release), Monster gives him a more substantial role.

The film begins with two guys wandering aimlessly through a thunderstorm. They come across a castle and knock on the door, hoping to find shelter. The door opens to reveal Dr. Eric Vornoff (Lugosi), who tells them to get the hell out, and given the moronic dialogue coming out of these guys’ mouths, I don’t blame him. The wanderers get the hint when Vornoff’s assistant Lobo (Tor Johnson) scares them off, making them think he’s a monster that’s made the headlines recently. Vornoff laughs at the thought that Lobo is viewed as this monster before they reenter their home.

Vornoff goes through a secret entrance leading to a laboratory. He looks at what appears to be an octopus in the adjoining Lake Marsh. This octopus apparently kills one of the wanderers in the next scene, although the creature is just seen moving, while the guy appears to be dangling over the water screaming his head off for no reason. The other guy takes out a shotgun and begins shooting at the octopus as we next see his friend in the octopus’s tentacles. He fires a few shots, although the octopus looks like it’s not moving at all, while the fellow in its grip is moving around.

Lobo arrives and disarms the guy, who we next see tied to a table in Vornoff’s lab. The guy tells Lobo to cut him loose, as if there’s a chance Lobo will do just that. But Vornoff comes in saying that Lobo is mute. The doctor then turns on his generic lab equipment, telling his victim that the volts he’s sending into him will make him super-strong “or like all the others: dead!”

Lugosi delivers this line with such delight that it’s a bit puzzling why Vornoff seems distraught when his victim does in fact croak. But this sadness is brief as the scene ends with Vornoff and Lobo admiring their octopus.

The newspapers report that two more men have now become victims of the monster as we cut to a police station. Inside, cops are questioning a guy who just offers them his cigarette, saying he won’t be here long. As this guy is thankfully dragged away for booking, the policemen doing the paperwork tell the paper delivery guy to leave the newspapers with him instead of giving them to his captain Robbins (Harvey B. Dunn), like the delivery guy says he was asked to. But the delivery guy concedes when the officer threatens to take away his license. Hey, I enjoy the funnies as much as the next guy, but is that really worth taking away a guy’s vendor’s license?

The officer takes the papers to Robbins and asks if he can work on the current case. Robbins tells him no, before telling him to send in Lt. Dick Craig (Tony McCoy), and sending the officer’s ass back to his desk. Craig comes in and reminds Robbins that there are now 12 people missing in connection with this monster. The captain also complements Craig’s fiancee, Janet Lawton (Loretta King) on how well she’s written these recent articles.

They examine both the shotgun and a coat that the two earlier victims had on them. They also note that these items were found not far from Willows House, Vornoff’s estate. Yet, these two don’t seem to get the idea to question Vornoff to see if he’s seen anything suspicious lately. Yep, our tax dollars go to public servants like these two.

Janet herself bursts in at that moment, demanding answers that she’s convinced the cops are denying her. She and Craig argue to the point where she calmly states their engagement is off [!]. Robbins counters this by saying that Janet should give Craig back her engagement ring, which she’s not exactly keen to do. Both officers also state that the monster itself is just a story that Janet has kept going with her articles. She decides to go to Lake Marsh herself. When Craig says it’ll be over his dead body, she says that such a circumstance can be arranged. Yeah, I can see what Craig sees in this lady.

Returning to her office, Janet asks to see the files on Willows House. She also asks the secretary Tillie (Ann Wilner) to break her date with Craig, saying she has an ulcer. I guess her earlier subtle death threat to her fiancee didn’t do the trick. On her way out, Janet bumps into her co-worker Margie (Dolores Fuller), who says that her articles are pissing off their boss and panicking everyone in town.

Janet: I didn’t hear you.

Margie: I said—

Janet: I know what you said. I didn’t hear you!

The screenwriting genius of Ed Wood, ladies and gentlemen.

As Janet departs, Robbins is at the station talking with Professor Vladimir Strowski (George Becwar). Craig enters and the professor asks if he’s familiar with the Loch Ness Monster. Strowski states he’s an expert on the subject and has noted similarities to the current case at Lake Marsh. While he doesn’t necessarily think the Loch Ness Monster swam across the ocean to the lake, he asks to go to Lake Marsh. Robbins agrees, as long as Craig can go with him, but Strowski says that it would be best to wait until daylight, brushing off the fact that all the attacks reportedly occurred at night. They agree, and after the professor departs, Craig is miffed when Robbins informs him that Janet broke off their date. But the captain tells Craig to keep an eye on Strowski.

Another storm begins as Janet heads out to Lake Marsh. Her car soon crashes into a ravine, and after getting out, she passes out in fright at the sight of a snake in the branches. But Lobo comes and takes her to Vornoff’s lab. The doctor introduces himself to her before telling Janet that she needs rest. He puts her to sleep using the famous Dracula hand gesture.

Craig and his partner Martin (Don Nagle) arrive at Lake Marsh and basically take a moment to light up and take in the atmosphere. This is despite the fact that they say how much it sucks having to be here at this swamp, calling it a monument to death. Martin even says that recent A-bomb explosions may have affected the area, even though it looks like a normal swamp to me. They also note that it’s strange that Strowski agreed to have a police escort to the swamp but then just made the trip by himself (never mind all the other strange things this film has given us so far).

Finding Janet’s car, the duo decide she may have headed for a coffee shop that they know is 10 miles away. I guess this means Lobo walked over 10 miles to get Janet to Willows House? As they leave, Strowski arrives and begins his search.

On the phone with Robbins at the coffee shop, the captain (with a stupid, fake bird on his shoulder) tells Craig and Martin that he’ll keep trying to find Janet, and chastises them for losing sight of Strowski.

Janet wakes up to see Vornoff and Lobo serving her tea. The doctor says that Lobo is “gentle as a kitten.” But this statement isn’t exactly substantiated when Lobo freaks Janet out by making leering eyes at her. Vornoff gets rid of him by whipping his back. He and Janet shoot the breeze as she tells him she’s a reporter, and that she found his name as the one who purchased Willows House. Vornoff reveals he knows her name because he saw her ID card in her purse. He ends their chat by telling Janet she’s tired and making the Dracula hands again. Falling asleep, Janet is taken to Vornoff’s room.

Strowski arrives at Willows House, and it turns out he and Vornoff are already acquainted. The professor brings up the atomic radiation bullshit from earlier, saying that Vornoff’s research is now being taken more seriously in their old European haunts. Vornoff states that his research into making super-humans with nuclear power led to him being exiled from his homeland. Strowski says that he wants to bring Vornoff home, now that recent events have given his research more credence. But Vornoff, with the speech that would be used famously in Tim Burton’s Ed Wood, goes on to say that he no longer has a home, but history will note him as a great man with the army he plans to create.

The professor pulls a gun on Vornoff, saying he has orders to bring him back home. But Lobo disarms him and Vornoff leads them to his lab. They toss Strowski out a door which (I guess) leads to Lake Marsh, where the octopus is waiting for him. The professor screams his head off as the creature (again, this is a guess) kills him.

Craig and Martin finally catch up with Strowski’s car. They split up, with Craig going into Vornoff’s home, while Martin checks out the “beach”. Robbins, meanwhile, goes to Janet’s office and engages in pointless banter with Tillie before he finds the files Janet was looking at earlier.

In Vornoff’s lab, Lobo states that all is ready, while Vornoff summons Janet with his Dracula hands.

Janet appears, wearing what looks like a wedding dress, as Vornoff instructs her to lay down on the table. As Craig enters the house, Vornoff orders Lobo to tie Janet down. When Lobo refuses, Vornoff again takes that whip to his back until he complies.

Craig leafs through photos of Vornoff before finding the passageway to the lab. He enters just as Vornoff is about to channel volts into Janet. Alas, Craig is quickly disarmed by Lobo.

Robbins and the other police arrive and meet up with Martin to head to Willows House. With Craig chained to a wall, the experiment on Janet is about to begin until Lobo goes crazy. Vornoff fires a gun into him, but it doesn’t help as Lobo tosses him across the lab. He frees Janet, who quietly snatches the pistol, returning it to Craig. Lobo, meanwhile, brings the unconscious Vornoff onto the table and straps him in. After turning on the equipment, the freed Craig tries to get Lobo to stop. He fires another shot, which of course does nothing, before attempting to go mano a mano with Lobo, who knocks him out and even tears his shirt. Imagine a fight in a James Bond movie done for laughs, and that describes this scene.

Martin and Robbins enter the house as Vornoff becomes the subject of his own experiment. But wouldn’t you know it, it doesn’t kill Vornoff, but makes him atomic-powered and he and Lobo are soon duking it out. The doctor knocks out Lobo, causing a fire in the lab. He makes off with Janet, with Craig in pursuit. The cops bolt as well and meet up with Craig and chase Vornoff.

The doctor places Janet on the ground and continues alone as lightning finishes off his lab. The police shoot him, but that does nothing until Craig manages to push a boulder which sends Vornoff into the octopus’s clutches (with the creature once again not reacting). Lighting finishes off both the doctor and the octopus, giving us a mushroom cloud (you know, atomic power and all).

The film ends with Robbins joining up with Janet and Craig, and saying that Vornoff “tampered in God’s domain.” Would this movie qualify as doing the same?

Like Wood’s other films, Bride of the Monster has dialogue so laughable that one wonders if it was the inspiration for the repartee in George Lucas’s Star Wars prequels.

A while back, one of my colleagues on this site wrote a recap of Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla. He concluded the recap saying that the only reason the film exists now is because Lugosi’s name is in the title. I’d say the actor is also the major reason Ed Wood has a place in film history now. Although Lugosi acquired fame and fortune in the 1930s thanks to such classic scare fests as Dracula and Murders in the Rue Morgue, typecasting led to the actor living in poverty by the start of the 1950s. But he was essentially able to take what Wood wrote and make it watchable (so imagine how Lugosi could’ve elevated a piece of crap like Valentine).

Bride of the Monster was immortalized in the aforementioned Ed Wood, which would win Martin Landau a well-deserved Oscar for playing Lugosi.

Big vs. 13 Going on 30

This piece looks at two comedies with similar premises.

There are numerous films about people switching bodies. Even the final episode of the original Star Trek series centered on this. Many of these stories are played for comedy, although a notable exception was the 1997 thriller Face/Off in which John Travolta and Nicolas Cage play mortal enemies who alter their appearances to resemble each other, with both stars hamming it up like there’s no tomorrow.

But two films with this idea involved not two people swapping their bodies, but rather a child who’s magically transformed into an adult.

Big (1988)
The first of these was this film directed by Penny Marshall and written by Anne Spielberg (Steven’s sister).

Josh Baskin (David Moscow) is a pre-teen from New Jersey who’s at the age where he wishes he could start being treated like an adult. This isn’t helped when he goes to a carnival one evening and is told that he’s not tall enough go on a ride and join a girl he pines for. But the carnival also introduces him to a fortune telling machine called the Zoltar. Josh wishes he was “big” and the machine gives him a card saying his wish is granted. He scoffs at this, but is startled to realize the machine isn’t plugged in.

When Josh wakes up at his home the next morning, he’s startled to find that he now has the height and appearance of an adult (Tom Hanks). He quickly darts off to the carnival grounds, only to find that everything has already been removed, including the Zoltar. While his infant sister seems to be comfortable with Josh clandestinely sending her to the living room, their mom (Mercedes Ruehl) is more hostile upon seeing him, convinced that Josh is really a man who’s done something horrible to her son and chases him away.

Josh’s best friend Billy (Jared Rushton) also understandably freaks out at first when the now-adult Josh approaches him, but he calms down when Josh recites a song only they sing. Billy helps him go to New York City with some stolen cash, where they get Josh a room at a crappy hotel (the Muppets had the Happiness Hotel, Josh gets St. James).

The duo learn that it will take about two months before the Zoltar can be found again. In the meantime, Josh agrees to get a job, and finds one as a data entry clerk for a toy company. He writes to his mom as he starts to get used to the idea that he now has a job. Soon, Josh’s playful demeanor earns him the respect of his company’s boss (Robert Loggia), leading to the famous scene where they play on a walking piano. Josh is later given a cushy position in a comfortable office playing with prototypes of new toys. He also manages to catch the eye of his co-worker Susan (Elizabeth Perkins), to the annoyance of her colleague Paul (John Heard).

As the weeks go by, Josh and Susan begin to fall in love while he becomes more acclimated with the adult world he’s now in (complete with a nice new apartment that he supplies with a pinball machine and a soda machine, neither of which need quarters).

This new life eventually leads Billy to personally go to Josh’s office (after leaving numerous messages) with the news of where they can find the Zoltar, and drill it into Josh’s head that he’s still only 12. He even reminds Josh that Billy is several months older than him. When Josh attempts to tell Susan this, she thinks it’s his way of saying that he’s scared of commitment.

During a business meeting, Josh suddenly decides to leave for the park where the Zoltar is. Susan follows after learning from Billy where Josh is heading. She arrives at the park just as Josh has wished to become a kid again. They share a heart-to-heart with Josh telling Susan that she’s the only part of his time as an adult he wants to keep. Susan, while saddened, declines Josh’s offer for the machine to make her a little girl, and they bid each other farewell when she takes him home.

13 Going on 30 (2004)
16 years after Big came this comedy, this time involving a girl being thrown into an adult world.

The story begins in 1987, with Jenna Rink (Christa B. Allen) about to celebrate her 13th birthday. Among her guests are Matt Flamhaff (Sean Marquette), who secretly pines for her, and Lucy “Tom-Tom” Wyman (Alexandra Kyle), who leads the “Six Chicks” clique that Jenna desperately wants to be part of.

Matt arrives with his birthday gift, a dollhouse with wishing dust [!]. But Jenna is more interested in Lucy’s promise that she’ll spend time with another boy Jenna has a crush on. Lucy has Jenna lock herself in her closet, blindfolded, waiting for said boy. In fact, she and the other girls have bolted with the boys and even some of the food. The only one left is Matt, whom Lucy directs to the closet, saying Jenna is waiting for him. He excitedly does so, but Jenna becomes horrified when she realizes it’s not the guy she wanted. She forces him out of the closet and tearfully wishes she was “30, flirty. and thriving.” As Jenna wishes this, some of the contrived wishing dust starts to sprinkle on her.

Jenna opens her eyes to find herself in a strange apartment, wearing a nightie and a new face (Jennifer Garner), which startles her when she looks in a mirror. She also finds a scantly-clad man inside, prompting her to dart off to the ground floor of the nice Fifth Avenue building that’s apparently her home. The adult Lucy (Judy Greer) meets up with her, and taking Jenna into her limo, is annoyed at having to tell her that she now works for the fashion magazine Poise.

As she spends the rest of the day getting adjusted to what now defines her life (including getting Eminem confused with the candy), Jenna decides to find out where Matt is now. When they reunite, she’s struck by his now-handsome appearance (Mark Ruffalo), but even more so at how he’s less than friendly with her. Matt, who’s now a photographer, explains that during her missing years, Jenna became the “Seventh Chick” as well as the prom queen, and hasn’t spoken to Matt or her own parents in years.

Jenna attempts to change her ways, and even uses her new (to her) prestige to befriend the 13-year-olds living in her neighborhood. But Jenna is later saddened when, due to Lucy’s backstabbing, she realizes that she herself has also stolen ideas for the magazine and even had an affair with a co-worker’s husband.

She begins to made amends by reconnecting with her parents. Jenna also offers Matt a nice photography gig with her magazine, which gives his career a boost. The two begin spending more time together, even though Matt is engaged to someone else.

Her plans for the magazine are applauded until a rival magazine, which Lucy is now the head of, shows up with the same kind of material. Jenna confronts Lucy, who retorts that she was just doing what Jenna previously did. This leads to a disappointed Matt proceeding with his wedding. Jenna pleads with him just before he walks down the aisle, but his only reply is to give her the dollhouse.

But the house still has some of that handy dust on it, which promptly falls on Jenna. Naturally, this whisks her back to 1987, where she embraces Matt and tells Lucy to piss off. The film ends with Jenna and Matt walking down the aisle themselves.

Which is better?
Both films do a good job at delivering laughs, thanks to the two leads. Hanks wasn’t quite the superstar he is now when he made Big, but that film not only got him his first Oscar nomination, but gave his career a second wind that led to many now viewing him as James Stewart’s heir apparent. Not only is Hanks funny, but he makes it easy to sympathize with Josh as he finds himself suddenly and unexpectedly put into a new kind of world. While many now wonder about (and are even annoyed by) the implication of Susan essentially having an intimate relationship with a minor, the sweetness that the film itself delivers can’t be denied.

Likewise, Garner is the main reason to see 13 Going on 30. She became a star by proving her dramatic chops on the TV series Alias, but here she proves she can do comedy as well. The scenes where Jenna comes face to face with the ramifications of the missteps she’s made, even though she has no recollection of making them, are also great thanks to Garner.

I’ve never collected or built dollhouses, so I may not be one to talk here, but I always rolled my eyes over the fact that the wishing dust that starts everything off seems to be something one could get at any hobby store. We also can tell from the beginning that Jenna is meant to be with Matt and that she should kick Lucy to the curb.

While she’s gotten more press recently from her divorce from Ben Affleck, Garner’s career is still going strong.

Curiously, both Hanks and Garner appeared in Steven Spielberg’s great comedy Catch Me If You Can, although they didn’t share any scenes.

Overall, I think Big has the edge over 13 Going on 30, because of its slightly sharper screenplay. Well, as sharp as a comedy with a tinge of fantasy in its narrative can be, anyway. But both films have laughs as well as protagonists who are easy to identify with and root for.

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)

This is a look at a classic comedy.

Over 25 years before Young Frankenstein hit cinemas, another classic comedy involving Mary Shelley’s creation made a memorable impression on audiences. That movie, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, was ambitious for a number of reasons. One of these was that it brought together not one but three of Universal’s classic monsters (Frankenstein’s Monster, Dracula, and the Wolf Man) with the comedy duo, whom Universal was also making a fortune off of from the ’30s-’50s.

As World War II was ending, some wondered if either the Universal monsters or the comedy duo of Bud and Lou were going to last much longer. Hence, Universal’s idea to put both of them together in this film. Although Costello initially objected to the idea, the end result would be seen as the first in a long line of films featuring Bud and Lou sharing the screen with monsters.

This film begins in England, with Lawrence Talbot (Lon Chaney, Jr.) anxiously awaiting a phone call from a railway station in Florida. He finally gets in contact with one of its employees, Wilbur Grey (Costello), and instructs him to not deliver two crates addressed to the McDougal House of Horrors. At that moment, however, Talbot’s werewolf curse begins to kick in as Wilbur gives smart-ass remarks about how he sounds like a wolf and then hangs up.

Wilbur then sees McDougal himself (Frank Ferguson) at his desk demanding those two crates. Chick Young (Abbott), Wilbur’s pal/colleague, hurries a flabbergasted Wilbur off to fetch them just as Wilbur’s girlfriend Sandra Mornay (Lenore Aubert) shows up. McDougal happily informs her that the crates contain the bodies of Count Dracula and the Frankenstein Monster, and that he got them at a nice price. Unimpressed, Sandra goes and tells Wilbur she’ll see him tonight, to Chick’s annoyance.

After some mishaps involving getting the crates ready, McDougal tells Wilbur and Chick to take the crates to his house of horrors themselves, so his insurance agent can look at them.

That night, Wilbur and Chick arrive at the house of horrors. The darkness, brought on by a storm knocking out the power, makes Wilbur scared of the attractions here. Chick opens the first crate, noting it’s a coffin with the crest of Dracula on it. Wilbur asks him not to open it, but Chick says Dracula is just a story. While Chick gets the other crate, Wilbur reads the placard that describes Dracula. As he does so, he hears the creaking of the count (Bela Lugosi) opening his coffin, and a moment later, the count’s hand comes out of it. Both times, though, Chick sees nothing when he’s shown the coffin. Dracula even manages to get out of the coffin and hide as Wilbur cries out for Chick, who later shows Wilbur that it’s empty.

This calms Wilbur as they start on the second crate, while Chick dismisses Wilbur over the creaking he hears while Dracula returns to his coffin. Chick picks up and reads the placard that tells of Frankenstein’s Monster, which he also laughs at. They open the crate and Wilbur is spooked when he sees the Monster (Glenn Strange) inside. This results in him hitting a nearby guillotine, which decapitates the fake head inside it. So the blade was real? This place is authentic.

They hear McDougal’s irritating voice asking why they’re in here with the lights off. Chick runs out to deal with him, while Wilbur decides to put the fake head in the coffin. Of course, the Count is inside again, and with the cape-over-the-face motif that Ed Wood was so certain would be all that was needed to make any actor look like Lugosi, he hypnotizes Wilbur into a daze and then heads for the crate. Using his ring on the famous metal electrodes on the Monster’s neck, Dracula revives him and they hide together.

Chick returns with McDougal and his insurance agent. Smacking Wilbur awake, they find that both the crates are now empty. McDougal bitches about the insurance money he’s now owed, before deducing that Chick and Wilbur must have stolen what was in the crates (so why would they go to the house of horrors in the first place, then?). He takes them to the police, while Dracula and the Monster make off with the former’s coffin.

Later, Dracula is flying to a castle in his bat form. He arrives and is greeted by Sandra, whom the Count takes to the Monster, who’s resting nearby. She tells him that her unknowing assistant Professor Stevens (Charles Bradstreet) is asking a lot of questions, but the Count says that he’ll deal with those. Sandra, in turn, informs Dracula that she’s mastered Dr. Frankenstein’s methods and has the perfect brain to put into his monster: Wilbur’s.

The next day, Wilbur and Chick are at their apartment, with the latter complaining about the night they spent in jail. Wilbur keeps insisting that he saw Dracula and the Monster, just as Sandra comes in to remind him of a masquerade ball that evening. Chick thanks her for bailing them out of jail, but she says she didn’t, leaving everyone taken aback. As she leaves, Chick understandably asks what Wilbur has that he doesn’t.

“A brain!” is her reply.

“I’d like to know where it is,” is his reply to Wilbur’s smiling face. There’s another knock at the door, and Wilbur thinks it’s Sandra coming to kiss him goodbye. Instead, he ends up kissing the lips of Joan Raymond (Jane Randolph), who says she bailed them out, and tells Wilbur she finds him fascinating. This is all a ruse, of course, as she’s an insurance agent who got them out of jail hoping they’ll lead her to the missing exhibits. But her faux googly-eyes at Wilbur prompt him to ask her to the upcoming ball, leaving Chick in the cold, even when he points out that Wilbur already has a date.

Not long after Joan leaves, Talbot arrives and informs Chick and Wilbur that he’s the one who telephoned them earlier, and that Dracula brought the Monster from Europe and is hoping to revive him. Wilbur gives Chick an I-told-you-so look, although the latter is still unconvinced. But Talbot can’t explain further at this point because (of course) the moon is full. He begs Wilbur to lock him in his room, which is across from theirs.

After Wilbur does so, he sees Talbot left his bag and goes back in. Wilbur narrowly avoids the Wolf Man as he leaves the bag with a note. The next morning, Chick and Wilbur are astonished by how messy Talbot’s room is, but don’t pay much mind to his Wolf Man story.

That evening, Wilbur, Chick, and Joan go to pick up Sandra at what is, unbeknownst to them, Dracula’s castle. Wilbur is irritated by the eyes Stevens and Joan give each other, but she and Sandra get acquainted as they freshen up. During this time, Wilbur picks up the ringing phone, which turns out to be Talbot. He informs them that they’re in Dracula’s castle, and Dracula is using the alias Dr. Lejos, which prompts Wilbur to try to leave, but Chick is pissed enough to search the place with Wilbur to put all this nonsense to rest. Their search leads them to a basement staircase that itself leads to a boat and dock.

The duo are briefly separated by a revolving door, during which time Wilbur sees Dracula and the Monster approaching him. He’s reunited with Chick, but the latter, once again, doesn’t see anything when Wilbur shows him.

At the same time, Sandra discovers Joan’s ID card while the latter is going through Frankenstein’s notes (which I guess Sandra keeps in the same room where she freshens up).

Everyone meets downstairs and Chick stops Wilbur’s attempts to tell Sandra what happened by saying Wilbur fell. This prompts “Dr. Lejos” to make an appearance, saying that Wilbur must be careful. Sandra introduces everyone, and “Lejos”, upon meeting Wilbur, suggests that everyone else go on ahead and he’ll follow with Wilbur and Sandra. But the latter surprises him by insisting that she’s ill and must go to bed. As the others depart, Sandra informs Dracula that Joan is an insurance agent, Stevens keeps asking questions, and Wilbur must have found out something. She says that they must postpone their plans, but Dracula is insistent to the point where he bites her neck in order for her to do his bidding (which also leads to the famous blooper of Dracula appearing in the nearby mirror).

At the ball, Wilbur and Chick go off to change into their costumes and run into McDougal, who briefly argues with Chick and tosses Wilbur around, wanting to find his exhibits. Talbot shows up and asks Wilbur and Chick what they found at the castle, but Chick says there was nothing to find. Talbot is distressed, especially after Chick shows off his own wolf man mask.

Dracula arrives with Sandra, and is immediately confronted by Talbot. Joan’s ears perk up when Talbot says Lejos is really Dracula, but the Count invites her to dance, saying he’ll explain everything. Sandra takes Wilbur to a secluded area and attempts to bite him, but Talbot and Chick soon approach. As she runs off, the trio attempt to look for Joan. But Talbot gets his werewolf groove on again and attempts to attack Wilbur, although the latter thinks it’s really Chick in his costume and even manages to punch him in the nose.

At the ball, there’s a cry for help. It turns out it’s McDougal, who’s been injured but not fatally. Chick arrives and soon everyone starts to think he’s the culprit when they see his wolf man mask in his hand. Wilbur arrives, but McDougal says he’s in on it, too, prompting the duo to flee.

They head to the river, where Chick is convinced of all the supernatural things going on when he sees (and subsequently faints at the sight of) Dracula hypnotizing Wilbur into returning to the castle along with him, Joan, and Sandra.

The next morning, Chick meets up with Talbot and they head for the castle to mount a rescue.

As Dracula and Sandra prepare for the operation, Stevens is knocked out when he finds Joan and Frankenstein’s notes. Chick and Talbot arrive and free Stevens, but before they can reach Joan, Dracula hypnotizes Wilbur into going to the operating room. But he’s soon freed by Chick and Talbot, just as the latter becomes the Wolf Man again. The Monster, meanwhile, has become powerful enough to break his bonds, and he proceeds to toss Sandra out a window. As he goes after Chick and Wilbur, Dracula and the Wolf Man fight until the latter grabs the Count in his bat form and they both fall into the water below.

The Monster chases Wilbur and Chick to the pier where they ward off McDougal. Chick and Wilbur get into a boat and sail off, while Stevens and Joan set the pier on fire, which the Monster soon crashes through.

Wilbur goes into I-told-you-so mode again, but Chick says that since all three monsters are gone, there’s nothing to worry about now. But the film ends with the duo being scared off by the Invisible Man (Vincent Price), who says he’s sorry to have missed the fun.

Before this film, Universal had three official crossovers with its monsters: Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man, House of Frankenstein, and House of Dracula. The monsters in all three of these are Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, and the Wolf Man. This is rather tame compared to the crossovers Marvel has done in recent years, but at the time, it was a big deal. But as entertaining as those films are, the Wolf Man has the most screen time compared to his colleagues. This is one reason why this film is great: all three monsters have a chance to shine, and even the Invisible Man’s brief appearance is memorable (all the more so as Price became a star just five years later with House of Wax).

The success of this film led to Universal teaming up Abbott and Costello with its other monsters. We’d later see Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy, Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man, and Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The duo even crossed paths with the Creature from the Black Lagoon when the latter appeared on the Colgate Comedy Hour.

What makes this film fun, though, is that Abbott and Costello do their thing but never at the expense of the monsters, reminding us of why both these franchises have endured.

Star Trek-"Catspaw"

As Halloween is approaching, what better time to look at Star Trek's Halloween episode.

October is here again, and for many, that means the start of Halloween season. So why not look at the only episode in Star Trek franchise history that was an actual Halloween episode? This is the reason “Catspaw”, actually the first episode of season 2 filmed, was the seventh to be aired in order to coincide with the Eve of All Saints. An added bonus was that this installment was written by Robert Bloch, who was already famous as the author of Psycho. He had previously written the first season episode “What are Little Girls Made Of?” and would later in the season write “Wolf in the Fold.”

The episode begins with Kirk on the Enterprise awaiting word from Scotty and Sulu, who were sent down to study the planet they’re orbiting. Kirk is concerned because they should’ve checked in by now, but Spock states that there may be no need, as they can’t detect any other life on the planet. The ship is hailed by a crewman named Jackson, who was apparently with Scotty and Sulu. He tells Kirk that he’s ready to beam up, but Kirk wants to know about Scotty and Sulu. But Jackson is beamed aboard and literally drops dead (with the stuntman taking it face down, I should add). When Kirk asks WTF, Bones gives (more or less) his usual “He’s dead, Jim” before they hear a eerie voice saying that the Enterprise is now cursed and they should haul ass away from the planet or die.

After the title sequence, Kirk, Spock, and McCoy beam down to look for Scotty and Sulu. They’re quickly surrounded by fog, although Spock states that the weather of their location should make fog unlikely. He soon adds that he’s picking up lifeforms, but when Kirk calls the ship to confirm this, Chekov informs acting captain Lt. DeSalle (Michael Barrier, who previously appeared in the first season episodes “The Squire of Gothos” and “This Side of Paradise”) that the only life on the planet are the three regulars. Uhura attempts to tell Kirk this, but their communication is cut off.

On the planet, the trio continues their search and comes across three floating disembodied heads which I guess are supposed to be witches. They chant Kirk’s name and basically say to leave the planet. When he asks for Spock’s input, the latter replies, “Very bad poetry, Captain.”

Of course, these kinds of smartass remarks are one reason we love Spock. He also says that he’s still detecting life forms nearby, but that’s when a huge gust of wind tosses our heroes around. Afterward, they find what appears to be a huge, black castle, which Spock says is the source of the lifesigns he’s picking up. Still unable to contact the ship, they walk inside and see a hissing black cat, which quickly scampers away. Kirk and McCoy note that the cat, castle, and the witches are all elements of trick-or-treating. When Spock asks what that is, Kirk snidely says that he’d be perfect for it, and that he’ll get into the details later.

On the ship, Chekov informs DeSalle that Kirk and the others are no longer registering on their instruments. DeSalle tells him to check the instruments, and orders Uhura to keep trying to hail them.

Back down at the castle, the trio heads in (with the door shutting ominously behind them, of course). With the cat ahead of them, Kirk and the others are soon knocked out after falling through a portion of the floor. The cat briefly looks at them, and we then see our heroes chained to a wall in some kind of dungeon. As they come to, Kirk asks Spock and McCoy how they both are, and amusingly, the captain stops short of calling McCoy his silly nickname when he sees a skeleton chained up next to the doctor.

They ponder whether all these ancient scare tactics are part of what Bones calls an “Earth-parallel development”, which is an appropriate question considering how many times, even at this point in the series, the crew had come across Earth-like settings.

Scotty and Sulu suddenly walk in. Kirk, Spock, and Bones note that they don’t seem to have much of a reaction, and the weirdness of this is reinforced by the fact that Scotty has a phaser pinned on the trio. Spock notes that the late crewman Jackson had a similar zombie-esque look to him before he dropped.

Sulu slowly unlocks their chains, and he and Scotty force them up a staircase until the trio begins to fight them. But all five suddenly find themselves in what appears to be a ballroom. At the head of a long dinner table is a guy named Korob (Theo Marcuse), dressed as a warlock, with the same black cat from earlier. He’s flabbergasted that Kirk is questioning everything around him, but the captain rightly replies that this is because one of his crew is dead and two others are apparently mind-wiped. Korob, revealing that he knows our heroes’ names, says that Scotty and Sulu are merely being controlled.

Spock states that previous expeditions reported no life on this planet, which we finally learn is named Pyris VII. Korob admits that he and the cat don’t come from this planet, and the cat somehow tells him to give their guest food. Korob does so with his magic wand and we see a delicious looking feast. As our heroes sit down, Kirk still demands an explanation. Korob attempts to placate him by making the food vanish, and replacing it with precious gems (they can’t eat those, idiot!), apparently as an attempt to bribe them into going away. Kirk says that such things mean nothing to them; maybe Korob should invite some Ferengi over to this planet, then.

Korob is taken aback, but still praises Kirk and the others for knowingly heading into danger to retrieve their comrades. The cat then darts off, because it needs a litter box, I guess.

Mere seconds later, a woman dressed in black emerges, whom Korob introduces as Sylvia (Antoinette Bower), whom Kirk notes is wearing the same necklace as the cat. As she gloats over how she’s better than them, Kirk grabs the phaser from Scotty and demands the rest of their equipment. But Sylvia brings out a small model of the Enterprise (which resembles the ornaments Hallmark would put out in later years). She explains that Jackson died when she created a duplicate of him, which she subsequently destroyed. To that end, she whips out Kirk’s communicator and holds her Enterprise ornament over a burning candle, to Korob’s dismay.

Kirk contacts the ship and Chekov reports that they’re burning up. I’m sure the pigeon’s nest of a wig he’s wearing isn’t helping.

Kirk tells the crew he’ll handle it, and just like that, he yanks the ornament away from the flame, conceding to Sylvia. Korob changes the subject by asking Kirk about his knowledge of science. When Kirk subtly turns the inquiry around, Korob begins to give details before Sylvia shuts him up. Kirk says that, as he’s talked with the ship, a search party will come. But Korob prevents this by encasing the Enterprise ornament in what seems to be a transparent block of soap. He states that the ship itself is now surrounded by a force field, although it remains in orbit. Sylvia demands that Kirk give her answers, but he and Spock are sent back to the dungeon, with McCoy being ordered to stay.

On the ship, DeSalle and Chekov try to find a way to punch through the field. In the dungeon, Spock speculates that Korob and Sylvia must be truly unlike humans, considering that the environment they’ve created is not an actual Earth environment, but elements that many associate with terror and darkness.

Scotty, Sulu, and McCoy enter the cell, with McCoy now in the same trance and giving those bugged-out eyes he does so well. They lead a dismayed Kirk to Sylvia. At the same time, she and Korob are bitching to each other about how she’s going her own way instead of heeding the orders of those they were sent by, whom Korob calls the “Old Ones” (referred to previously in “What are Little Girls Made Of?”).

Sylvia simply tells Korob off as Kirk is brought in. She informs Kirk that she wants to experience the same kind of things he and other humans in general experience. Not surprisingly, this leads to Kirk putting on a little romance for her, with Korob watching close by. Sylvia, in turn, entices him by changing her appearance (well, her clothing, anyway) to show she can be any form he chooses.

This bit of foreplay makes Sylvia reveal that she and Korob get their power through something called a “transmuter”. But she suddenly realizes that Kirk is using her and angrily puts him back in the dungeon.

As DeSalle, Chekov, and Uhura begin making progress in breaking the forcefield, Korob enters the dungeon and releases Kirk and Spock, informing them that he’s gotten rid of the force field altogether. Kirk still wants to retrieve Scotty, Sulu, and McCoy, but Korob states that Sylvia has them under her control now, and he’s powerless to stop her.

They suddenly hear Sylvia in her cat form, but now she’s large enough to fill the castle hallways. She breaks down the dungeon door, killing Korob. Kirk takes his wand as he and Spock make their way out via the hole they fell into earlier. Once on the upper floor, they subdue the three brainwashed crewmen. Hearing Sylvia again, Kirk holds out the wand, surmising that this is the transmuter.

Sylvia returns to her womanly form and sends herself and Kirk back into the dining room. She desperately tells Kirk that the wand is not the transmuter, but merely a tool. She pulls a phaser on Kirk, ordering him to give it up. In response, Kirk smashes it onto the table, which causes the whole castle to vanish.

He’s seen on a rock and quickly joined by Spock, as well as Scotty, Sulu, and McCoy, all three of whom are back to their normal selves. Kirk points out that all that’s left are two tiny blue/yellow puppet-looking creatures, which are Sylvia and Korob’s true appearances. Spock wonders if they could study them further, but the creatures quickly die.

The group ponders how all they experienced was an illusion, except, as Kirk notes, Jackson’s death. Then again, he wasn’t a regular, so it won’t occupy them long. Then again again, he was wearing a gold shirt rather than the usual red, so maybe his death is noteworthy after all.

This episode is, on the whole, more hokey than scary, complete with such cliches are Kirk getting his groove on and a crewman who’s just there to die. But it is fun to watch our heroes in what many view now as a holiday setting.

As this episode involves a black cat, I feel it appropriate to dedicate this review to my own black cat, whom I named after Boris Karloff and who passed away recently. I love you, pal, and I’m glad we got to watch this one together a few times.

You Can't Do That on Television (1979-1990)

This article looks at a show my sister & I watched all the time growing up.

You Can’t Do That on Television is a Canadian series which initially aired on the CTV station in Ottawa in 1979. Just two years later, it began broadcasting on American TV via the cable network Nickelodeon. Cable TV itself was just beginning its rise at this point, and Nickelodeon was the cable network meant for kids (keeping in mind that, like the Disney Channel, there was only one network with this name at that point). This was no doubt a big reason why the series truly took off at that moment.

Along with The Muppet Show, this is probably the only variety show I made a point to watch during its initial run. Perhaps this is because, like Jim Henson’s series, it was made specifically for kids, but instead of Kermit and the gang, we get teens and even pre-teens doing comedy gags.

The show itself had a sketch comedy format similar to the aforementioned Muppet Show, as well as Saturday Night Live. There was a specific theme for each installment, and each would begin with a spoof announcement (accompanied by a bizarre pic) saying that the originally scheduled show would not be airing today and would be replaced by You Can’t Do That on Television, which would then be referred to in an insulting way. For instance, one such opening stated: “Rambo’s Armpits will not be seen today in order for us to bring you something that smells even worse.”


The title sequence for the show was an animated segment of likenesses of the young cast getting assembled and pouring from a faucet and into a school bus at a place called the Children’s Television Sausage Factory. It concluded with a likeness of actor Les Lye (who played all the adult men on the show) looking horrified as he gets the logo of the show stamped on his face. An interesting side note: This sequence was inspired by Terry Gilliam’s animated credit sequences, like the one for Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

This was followed by an official introduction to the week’s installment, which could range from “medicine” to “divorce”.

The rest of the episode would contain skits of various sorts, with occasional returns to the main floor. Such skits took place at what was supposed to be a family home, with Lye and actress Abby Hagyard playing the parents. Others would take place at a video arcade called Blip’s, and others at a restaurant called Barth’s (whose owner the kids often called “Barf” due to the often-sickening nature of the food he served). There was also a school location with Lye as the overly-stuffy teacher Mr. Schidler, and a locker room setting with him playing an overbearing coach. He also played a Latin American-sounding colonel would would always attempt to execute one of the kids via an unseen firing squad (who were simply called “the amigos”), but would usually be the one on the receiving end of the gunfire when the would-be victim would trick him into saying “fire”.

In addition, there were several minutes in each installment devoted to what the cast called “opposite skits”. These attempted to get laughs by having the kids and adults want the opposite of what one would usually think. For example, one skit had Mr. Schidler preparing to show Back to the Future to his class, while the students all demanded documentaries. Another had the mom insisting that her kids feed the family cat on the dinner table. This block of skits would begin and end with the screen going upside down and right side up.

The locker room would also serve as the setting for another five-minute block of the show called “locker jokes”. These involved the kids, all snug in the lockers, popping out and (what else?) telling a joke or brief story with a witty ending to one of the other kids.

But the most notorious gag on the show was when the cast got green slime (reportedly, cottage cheese with green food coloring) dumped on them when they didn’t know the answer to a question. They would also get water poured on them whenever that substance was mentioned. A 1986 installment actually involved red slime being used when it looked like the Soviets were going to take control of the show.

To help insure that the cast wouldn’t go blind from the slime or the water, a tarp was placed over the main portion of the set for scenes in which an actor was to be dumped on. On occasion, it could be seen or heard underneath the actors, who were often barefoot when on the receiving end. Those who were doused with slime or water were reportedly paid extra for their trouble, and such scenes were often the final ones filmed, allowing them to go and rinse off afterwards.

One of the best things about this show was that the cast was always funny, because they were allowed to act like kids. This is why, unlike other TV and film sets, there were no tutors or schooling for the young cast on the set. The schedule was designed so they could go to school at the same time as their peers as they filmed the series.

While this series didn’t have famous guest stars like other variety shows, it did mark the beginning of stardom for some of its cast. Perhaps the most notable ones in the case of this show are music star Alanis Morissette, who was a regular on the show in 1986, as well as Bill Prady, who wrote some of the early episodes and has since gone on to be a producer of such shows as Caroline in the City, Dream On, and The Big Bang Theory.

Not surprisingly, the rest of cast would also change over the course of the show’s run. The was mainly due to each of them becoming adults over the years.

The cast members that always stuck out for me were the ones that ended up being with the show the longest. Among them were Christine McGlade, or “Moose” as everyone called her, who introduced each installment for most of the show’s run, as well as her sidekick, the always-chatty Lisa Ruddy. McGlade reportedly got her slot on show when she actually came by the set to support a friend who was auditioning and show creator Roger Price insisted that she herself audition. Another cast member, Kevin Kubusheskie, would eventually become a stage producer on the show.

But a great deal of the credit for the show must go to Lye (who died in 2009), who was always hilarious whenever he was playing any of the adults, including the smart-ass studio tech Ross, who would always banter with Christine and the other kids during the course of each installment.

The show quickly became a goldmine for Nickelodeon throughout the ’80s. The green slime left a particular impression, as the network used it on some of its other shows such as the game show Double Dare, as part of the obstacle course the contestants had to go through to get the big prizes. There was even a Green Slime Shampoo made available via that game show and Nickelodeon-sponsored contests for a time.

Low ratings would lead to Nickelodeon ending You Can’t Do That on Television in 1990, although it would air in reruns until 1994. In 2015, its sister network TeenNick began rerunning episodes of the series.

The trademark slime also became a reason why the show would be criticized in some circles, mainly from parents who found some of the humor disgusting. Price even reported that Fred Rogers (yes, Mr. Rogers himself) disliked the show, although Price noted that Rogers’s audience was a younger age set than his own show.

Also, two episodes of the show would come to be banned. The 1984 segment which focused on divorce (in which literally half of everything on the show is taken when the unseen producer gets a divorce) was banned in Canada for making light of a subject that should be taken seriously, especially on a children’s show. Three years later, the show’s look at adoption would be banned in the U.S. for having moments that depicted adopted children being treated as pets or slave labor.

Looking back now, some of the gross-out humor may stick out a bit more, but there’s a place for that in the world, so the fact that the show was still hilarious in other ways makes me accept it.

As McGlade once told the Huffington Post:

"You Can’t Do That on Television was kind of anti-educational. It’s funny because I’ve worked in educational media and one of my former cast mates grew up to be a teacher. But actually, Roger Price was a very rebellious anti-establishment man. His thought process was “If the kids took over the studio, all these fun, silly, hilarious things could happen.”

I’d say this statement is a nice explanation of why kids fell in love with the show the way they did. It also makes the show’s title all the more fitting. Heck, I know of no other show since in which kids took center stage in this manner. In recent years, variety shows themselves have been, more or less, dethroned by the reality shows that the airwaves are currently inundated with, and as far as I know, none of those appeal to kids the way this show did.

A documentary on the series called You Can’t Do That on Film was released in 2004, with many of the cast discussing their experiences on the show and its impact. It is currently available on DVD and streaming from Amazon.

Xena: Warrior Princess-"Callisto"

This is a look at one of the defining episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess.

I’ve noted before that, despite being a spin-off of another show, Xena: Warrior Princess didn’t take long to become the syndicated ratings champion of the 1990s as Star Trek: The Next Generation had been before it. There were many reasons for this great success, of course, and one of the biggest is this episode, which aired in the latter half of the show’s first season.

The story begins with a young boy in a state of shock as he witnesses thugs chopping and burning both the surrounding village and its inhabitants. The boy is soon knocked to the ground, although still alive. Someone who’s not so lucky, however, implores a leather-clad woman (Hudson Leick) to run for it. But she responds to his pleas with a sword through his chest. The woman then orders one of her thugs to spare an older woman, whom she instructs to tell the world that they’re in for the same fate as the village if she’s crossed. When the spared villager asks the woman for her name, the reply is “Xena, Warrior Princess,” accompanied by a maniacal laugh.

After the title sequence, the real Xena is seen in a tavern. A man named Melas (Ian Hughes) seats himself next to her and asks the bartender for a drink. Xena offers her own drink to him, saying he looks like he could use it. He thanks her before introducing himself and asking for her name. When Xena gives it to him, he goes apeshit, but Xena quickly subdues him. She and Gabrielle are surprised when Melas says that a woman from his village told him that an army led by Xena murdered everyone in their town, including his son. Xena quietly tells the vengeance-fueled Melas that she’s not the one responsible and leaves him as she and Gabrielle head off to find the real culprit.

En route, they pass through a small band of villagers. Xena notes the look of fear on their faces and tells Gabrielle that she once actually enjoyed seeing that look from people. One of this group introduces himself as Joxer the Mighty (Ted Raimi). Xena rightfully tells him to piss off (with the super-dorky armor he’s wearing, I don’t blame her). But this guy obviously can’t take a hint, which is why he states that he’s a great warrior who loves to shed blood. Thankfully, this blowhard actually gives Xena some space when she grabs his nose, saying, “You like the sight of blood so much, you keep talking!”

Our heroines’ good luck continues when further up the road, Melas leaps out of nowhere with a dagger trained on Xena. Once again, she pins him down with little effort. She even calls him a slow learner as she ties Melas to a tree. Gabrielle tells him that Xena would’ve killed him already if she was the monster that killed his son.

The ladies soon reach their destination when they see crucified bodies amidst a burning village. They head in and kick some ass, with Xena using her famous boomerang-esque chakrum to take out some of the bad guys. But instead of returning to its owner, the chakrum is caught by the murderous impostor, who taunts Xena with, “You want it? Come and get it!”

On horseback, they charge at each other with their swords. Xena gets a cut on her arm, prompting her opponent to pat herself on the back, telling Xena that she “made” her. Xena disarms her and correctly deduces that she was the one who shot her with a poison dart in the previous episode (“The Greater Good”). Using nearby poles, both combatants knock each other to the ground. Xena asks her opponent what she meant by saying she made her, and her adversary asks her to remember Cirra. That name takes Xena aback before her adversary departs.

Xena then gives Gabrielle a hand with the thug she’s fighting by giving him the famous pinch that cuts off the flow of blood to his brain. He tells her that the woman’s real name is Callisto and that her family was killed at Cirra. He also says that Callisto wants the world to see Xena as a monster before killing her. The thug also states that Callisto’s next target is the Oracle at Delphi, who she plans to murder the next day and then pin the deed on Xena. She undoes the pinch and tells him to tell Callisto that Xena did make her—and she’ll destroy her.

Melas joins up with Xena and Gabrielle, apologizing for his earlier behavior. He asks to help them fight Callisto, and since he’s less annoying than Joxer, Xena reluctantly agrees.

Speaking of Joxer, he’s brought to Callisto’s hideout, where’s she’s testing her skills against some of her troops. Apparently, he was found hiding in a wagon they stole (yeah, he’s warrior material, alright). Joxer offers his services to her. She and her troops laugh, but Callisto agrees to it if Joxer brings Gabrielle to her. He excitedly departs, while Callisto savors the moment, saying that everything, including her thug spilling the beans to Xena, is going according to plan.

That night by a campfire, Gabrielle asks Melas to get some rest. But he says he can’t truly rest until Callisto is dead, and that Gabrielle would have the same feeling if she lost a loved one in a similar manner. She doesn’t disagree with his assessment, but goes over to Xena and asks her about Cirra. The warrior princess says that it was a village she conquered during her mercenary days, but unlike other such conquests, women and children were victims because a fire somehow burned through the town, trapping the villagers in their homes because they didn’t want to face her army. Hence, she doesn’t fault Callisto for her blood lust, although Gabrielle does. She says that Melas, like Callisto, has become blinded by an intense desire for revenge. She also points out that Xena overcame such a desire when her own village was destroyed way back when. Xena admits she did, but she may get that feeling again if something happened to her mom, Hercules, or Gabrielle. This prompts Gabrielle to make her promise not to become mad with vengeance if something happens to her.

The trio arrives at Delphi the next morning and splits up to look for Callisto. Gabrielle runs into Joxer and hands his ass to him numerous times as he tries to kidnap her.

Inside the town’s temple, Xena is keeping watch as the Oracle herself prepares to give her speech. Sure enough, a disguised Callisto tosses the chakrum in Xena’s direction, but Xena intercepts it before she chases Callisto on horseback. Xena subdues her and ties her to her horse. Walking back to the village, Xena outright apologizes for being the catalyst for what Callisto is now, but Callisto literally spits on this apology. Gabrielle informs Xena that Melas has organized a lynch mob. Callisto laughs, asking Xena if she’s ever been handed over to a lynch mob or tried for the atrocities she’s committed. Xena briefly ponders simply letting Callisto go, over Gabrielle’s objections.

This prompts Callisto to give this memorable tidbit: “The sight, just the sight, of Xena, Warrior Princess, arguing on my behalf amuses me so. Let me tell you. Let me answer your question of what I would do if you let me go. You let me go, and I will dedicate my life to killing everything you’ve loved: your friends, your family, your reputation, even your horse. You see, I am being so honest with you because the idea of your pity is worse than death for me. You see, you created a monster with integrity, Xena. Scary, isn’t it? Now, take me to the mob.”

As Callisto’s words torture Xena, the Warrior Princess arrives at the village and makes sure that the mob doesn’t touch Callisto as Xena puts her in jail to await a fair trial. Xena continues to be emotionally tortured by the incarcerated Callisto.

Elsewhere, Joxer again attempts to capture Gabrielle, which ends predictably. He explains that he comes from a long line of warlords (could’ve fooled me), with Gabrielle attempting to lift his spirits by saying he could do other, more legitimate, things with his life. He thanks her before (yep!) she kicks his ass again when he tries to take her.

The lynch mob tosses a torch into Callisto’s cell. As she delights in the irony of dying like her family did, Xena unlocks her cell, but unbeknownst to her, Callisto has already freed herself from her chains, which she promptly uses to knock out Xena before escaping with a captured Gabrielle. Melas and Xena chastise themselves for not listening to people like Gabrielle and then Xena takes off after Callisto.

At Callisto’s hideout, Gabrielle is strung up while Joxer bumbles his way in again. Callisto is as annoyed with Joxer as we are, but she gives him another chance to prove himself by ordering him to kill Gabrielle. But he ends up giving incompetence a good name when he can’t bring himself to do it, prompting Callisto to string him up as well.

When Xena arrives, Callisto announces that she’s ready for that duel to the death. As an added bonus, she has Gabrielle hoisted high in the air over spikes and has one of her thugs set the rope on fire.

As they battle, Xena and Callisto make various uses of the ladders on either side of them. Xena eventually uses three of them to make a teeter-totter plank that she has Gabrielle land on, while sending Callisto onto the rope over the spikes. She orders the rope to continue burning, but Xena prevents her from hitting the spikes.

The episode concludes with Callisto and her thugs being taken away. Gabrielle approves of Xena’s decision not to kill her, but Callisto quietly states that it was a mistake.

This installment sets up a great deal of what many remember about the show. It shows off how wonderfully Xena and Gabrielle were starting to complement each other, and gave fans a villain who would leave a big mark on Xena’s psyche, in effect becoming Khan to Xena’s Kirk (at least until the third season, but that’s a story for another time). One could say Callisto has an even more legitimate grievance against her adversary, as Kirk had no way of knowing Ceti Alpha VI would go boom.

Joxer, on the other hand, would become to many fans this show’s Neelix. The fact that they’re both ostensibly comic relief characters that are full of themselves probably didn’t help. Ironically, I found Joxer a bit more interesting during his final appearances on the show towards the end of the fifth season, when due to a god-influenced time jump, he meets up with Xena and Gabrielle as an older man. But alas, this also turns out to be the moment when the producers decided to kill him off.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

Here's a look at a classic movie that turns 30 this year!

Robert Zemeckis’s hit comedy Who Framed Roger Rabbit turns 30 this year. While it was a Disney production, this film was a hit in large part because it gave people the once-in-a-lifetime chance to see classic cartoon characters such as Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny share the screen. The title character (voiced by Charles Fleischer) would also become as beloved as Mickey and Bugs, reappearing in a few short animated films in the years since this film’s release. The added draw of having animated characters interact with humans was another plus to this movie.

The year is 1947 and downtrodden private detective Eddie Valiant (Bob Hoskins) is summoned to Maroon Cartoon Studios by its head R.K. Maroon (Alan Tilvern). Eddie goes to Maroon’s office after being annoyed during the filming of “Somethin’s Cookin'”, in which Roger makes a mess of things while babysitting for Baby Herman. The director gets pissed with Roger after the latter takes a refrigerator to the head for the 23rd time and seeing birds rather than stars as scripted. This delay pisses off Baby Herman as well, causing him to use his normal chain-smoking voice to take a load off in his trailer while they reset.

In his office, Maroon tells Eddie that Roger’s wife Jessica is rumored to be involved with Marvin Acme, the owner of both the Acme Corporation (as Wile E. Coyote will tell you) and Toontown, where all the cartoon characters, or “Toons” as they are called, live. Eddie agrees to get some photographic evidence for the whopping fee of $100 as Maroon allows him to indulge in his love for the booze he has near his desk, while we see more classic characters such as Dumbo hanging out in Maroon’s back lot.

With Maroon’s $50 advance, Eddie heads to a nearby bar run by his girlfriend Dolores (Joanna Cassidy). He gives her the $50, which Dolores needs for business reasons, with the promise that the rest is coming and asks for her camera. She notes that the check is from Maroon, prompting the local bar rat Angelo to poke fun at the fact that Eddie is known for helping out toons. This pisses Eddie off enough to smack Angelo’s face into the bar before bolting. Dolores (who obviously hates Angelo too, as she doesn’t bother asking if he’s okay) explains that Eddie’s brother Teddy was killed by a toon.

That night, Eddie goes to the Ink and Paint Club, where Jessica sings. He gains entry after giving the password (“Walt sent me”) to the huge, humorless tuxedo-clad ape bouncer. On stage, we see Donald Duck and Daffy Duck pissing each other off while paying pianos. This leads to them trying to blow each other up to the applause of the audience. Making his way to one of the tables, Eddie gets scotch with rocks in his glass (as he had told a penguin waiter he wanted scotch on the rocks) and meets Acme (Stubby Kaye) when the latter tries out his new invisible ink pen by spraying some on Eddie’s suit.

After Eddie briefly catches up with Betty Boop, all the guys get excited as Jessica (Kathleen Turner) appears onstage for her number. Eddie’s eyes practically pop out when he sees she’s… well, doesn’t seem to be Roger’s type, as she gives Eddie, Acme, and the other guys in the audience a reason to love being alive.

Acme, followed by Eddie, goes to Jessica’s dressing room after her performance. When Eddie looks though the keyhole, the ape angrily tosses him out. So Eddie then makes his way to the window of Jessica’s room. He begins snapping away before becoming startled at what’s transpiring inside.

In Maroon’s office, both Roger and Maroon are equally taken aback, as it’s revealed that Eddie caught Jessica and Acme… playing patty-cake! Maroon offers Roger a drink, although it doesn’t help much as it briefly makes Roger crazy enough to smash up the office. Eddie and Maroon tell Roger that there are other fish in the sea, but Roger will have none of it and angrily breaks out of the office and into the night.

As Roger sits in an alley, wallowing in self-pity, Eddie returns to his office and smiles at the other pictures that were in the camera. These show him and Dolores enjoying themselves on a beach. But Eddie becomes sad when we see that his late brother was also on this trip. He glances over at his brother’s now-empty desk and drinks himself to sleep. He’s woken up the next day by an old acquaintance from the police force who informs him that Roger killed Acme during the night.

They head to the factory where the murder took place, and we see a chalk outline showing that Acme had a safe dropped on his head, along with paint supposedly from Roger’s gloves on the rope used for the killing. This factory has other toon-related packages, once of which breaks, causing animated shoes to briefly break out. In the confusion, Eddie spots something on the floor, but he’s stopped from collecting it by Judge Doom (Christopher Lloyd), the superior court judge of Toontown. Eddie briefly gets a chuckle when he demonstrates that the item was Acme’s hand buzzer, but Doom states that Maroon told him about how pissed off Roger was the previous night. He also assures Eddie and the police that he’ll find Roger with the help of the bumbling cartoon weasels in his employ. I guess Kirk blew up almost all the Klingons that worked for him, so Doom had to get help somewhere.

Doom further illustrates how he’ll get Roger when he introduces Eddie to his special concoction: Dip, a toxic combo of turpentine, acetone, and benzene which can do what safes, fridges and other dangerous objects cannot: kill toons. The judge gives a rather cruel demonstration by using it on one of the stray toon shoes from earlier.

Eddie heads back to his office, where he meets up with Baby Herman. The latter says that Roger wouldn’t kill anybody, and informs Eddie that Acme left a will, which has gone missing, that says that Toontown would go to the toons. After getting rid of Herman for saying that Eddie caused this mess with the pictures, Eddie gets a close-up of one of those pictures to reveal the will. Even scarier, he also finds Roger in his bed when he attempts to get some sleep. Roger tells him he needed a place to hide and assures him that nobody knows where he’s at—except the numerous people he asked for directions to Eddie’s office. He pisses off Eddie further with his goofing off by shackling them together in handcuffs that Eddie doesn’t have the keys for (of course). That’s when the weasels arrive, and Eddie hides Roger in some dishwater before they break in. After they leave, the duo heads for Dolores’s bar, where Roger temporarily hides after angering Eddie again when he easily slides out of the cuffs while Eddie tries to saw them off.

Jessica arrives at Eddie’s office as he finishes business in his bathroom (oh, boy). She tells him that Maroon blackmailed her into playing patty-cake with Acme by threatening Roger’s career. She departs as a pissed-off Dolores comes in and rips off the cartoon lip print Jessica planted on Eddie’s cheek. He finishes dressing, and with Jessica watching nearby, catches up with Dolores, who informs him that a company called Cloverleaf, which just bought L.A.’s Railway, is on the cusp of owning Toontown without Acme’s will saying otherwise.

But they realize that Roger has come out of hiding and is entertaining the bar’s patrons. This only draws the attention of Doom and his weasels. Eddie and Roger hide while Dolores covers for them, but Doom flushes Roger out by continuously tapping the “shave and a haircut” tune. Just as Roger is about to get dipped, Eddie convinces Doom to give him one last drink, which naturally makes Roger go bonkers, giving him and Eddie time to escape in a toon taxicab named Benny, who was arrested by the weasels for driving on a sidewalk.

After another brush with the weasels, Benny takes them to a movie theater. After Roger enjoys a short with Goofy, Eddie states that his downbeat mood was the result of his brother’s death. This makes Roger sad, saying he can see why Eddie hates him, but Eddie grudgingly assures him he doesn’t. Dolores meets up with them and they leave, but not before Eddie catches a newsreel saying that Maroon has made a deal with Cloverleaf.

This prompts him to return to Maroon’s office with a scared Roger in tow. Eddie tells him to keep an eye out and beep the horn if there’s trouble, but alas Roger is knocked out with a frying pan and dragged off just as Eddie goes inside. We see that Jessica is the one who KO’ed Roger (how romantic) and she tosses him into the trunk of her car. Eddie confronts an agitated Maroon, whom he manages to get the drop on. Maroon says that he wanted to blackmail Acme in order to secure the deal with Cloverleaf, but didn’t think murder would enter the equation. But he doesn’t say anything else as he’s shot to death by an unseen assailant holding a pistol through the office window. Eddie looks outside the window to see Jessica fleeing.

Eddie races to his car, and not finding Roger, attempts to pursue. This leads to the tunnel that’s the entrance to Toontown. He pauses before going farther and pulls out a special pistol with toon bullets, one of which he uses to destroy his remaining booze. Sure enough, Eddie enters to see himself surrounded by a cartoon world, and then promptly crashes his car into a cartoon building.

He traces Jessica to one of the high floors of a building (with Droopy at the controls of the elevator that takes him there), only to see that it’s not Jessica, but a crazed man-hungry toon. Eddie escapes, only to fall out of the incredibly high skyscraper. He briefly holds onto an extending pole, only to lose his grip thanks to Tweety thinking his fingers are “piggies”, and where’s Sylvester when you need him? Falling farther, he sees Mickey and Bugs with parachutes. When Eddie asks if they have a spare, Bugs says he does but isn’t sure if Eddie wants it. Mickey tells Bugs to cut the guy a break and they parachute away just as Eddie realizes the spare is actually a spare tire.

Fortunately (or not), the crazed toon catches him, prompting him to run some more. Thankfully, Eddie gets rid of her after he tosses the divider of the road she’s running on into a nearby wall.

Eddie finds Jessica in an alley, pistol aimed in his direction. But her shot takes out the shadow of someone behind him, who turns out to be Doom, whom Jessica says is the one who killed Maroon. Eddie fires at Doom but the other toon bullets take off in the opposite direction, prompting Eddie to refer to them as dum-dums. They find that Roger has broken out of the trunk that his wife put him in and made off in Eddie’s car. But they’re able to get away from the approaching weasels thanks to Benny. As they make a break for it, Jessica says that Acme told her that Doom was obsessed with getting Toontown and gave her his will for safekeeping, but all she found was a blank piece of paper, which Roger later used to write her a love letter.

Benny’s exit from Toontown proves harsh as Doom spills some dip on the road, burning out his tires. The judge makes off with Eddie and Jessica. At his hideout, Doom reveals to them that he owns Cloverleaf and that he plans to destroy Toontown with a machine that sprays out dip in order to make way for a freeway, and that people won’t have the option of using the Railway because he plans to get rid of it. Roger finds Benny, who painfully takes him to their hideout before getting the cops. Roger attempts to save his pal and his love, but gets knocked out, giving him those stars that eluded him earlier. As the Rabbits are hung up and ready to be dipped, Doom slips, causing the weasels to laugh. His statement that their laughter will kill them prompts Eddie to try to make them laugh themselves to death. They do just that, but Doom stops him from freeing Roger and Jessica. Their fight ends with Doom getting smashed by a steamroller, but he survives because he himself is a toon, specifically the one that killed Eddie’s brother. They fight some more before Eddie manages to get Doom’s machine to spray him with dip. He frees Roger and Jessica just as Doom’s machine enters Toontown and is destroyed by a passing train.

After Dolores, Benny, other toons, and the cops arrive, Eddie reveals Doom’s culpability in the matter and realizes that Roger wrote his love letter on Acme’s will, which was written with his disappearing-reappearing ink. The film ends with the toons celebrating that they now own Toontown, with both Porky Pig and Tinkerbell saying goodbye in their famous ways.

The movie itself was adapted from the 1981 novel Who Censored Roger Rabbit? That book has some notable differences with the book. For instance, instead of Mickey and Bugs teaming up, we see comic strip characters like Beetle Bailey and Snoopy in the novel.

Obviously, the big draw for this film was seeing cartoon characters and people interact. The good news is that both Hoskins and Cassidy are fun and likable in their roles, and Lloyd is suitably scary. I also always got a kick out of the fact that Donald and Daffy hate each other’s guts, while Mickey and Bugs seem to get along fine. For a contrast, check out Cool World, which came out four years later. Both the animated and flesh and blood people in that film just give the viewer a headache from beginning to end.

Naturally, the success of this film brought about talk of a sequel. Alas, we have yet to actually see one, and while this film is beloved, I have doubts we will. For one thing, Hoskins died in 2014. But animation itself has make great strides in the years since this film. So much so that special effects in live-action films done in the manner here are basically the norm now. Hence, mixing live-action and animation in this manner is not quite viewed as the awesome feat it once was.