The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

Here's a review of the latest Star Wars film.

For many, the big moment is here. The final story of the Skywalker saga officially hits theaters this weekend. But I for one wouldn’t be surprised if there were more film entries in this series, with or without Skywalkers. After all, Star Wars does have the backing of some studio that uses a mouse as its mascot.

But onto the movie itself.

Although never explicitly stated, the film begins one year after the events of the previous film The Last Jedi. The opening crawl says that there’s a radio transmission being heard in certain parts of the galaxy and it’s the voice of the Emperor (Ian McDiamid), who somehow survived when Vader tossed his hammy ass down that shaft in Return of the Jedi. Leia sends people out to investigate the matter, while her son Kylo Ren does the same with the intention of destroying the Emperor, which isn’t surprising since Ren killed his master Snoke in the previous film.

Ren has what’s called a Sith wayfinder device and traces the Emperor’s signal to the planet of Exegol. He hears the Emperor’s voice, along with Vader’s, saying they’re the voices Ren has heard all his life. The Emperor is indeed here, although somewhat physically beaten (Vader’s toss was obviously hell for the Emperor’s fingernails). He tells Ren that he’s the reason Snoke existed at all, and has been biding his time creating a new fleet of Star Destroyers. Ren is promised this fleet if he kills Rey.

Speaking of Rey, she’s on the latest Resistance base, honing her Jedi skills with Leia’s help (Carrie Fisher, thanks to deleted footage). She’s a bit pissed, though, when the Millennium Falcon returns and it’s on fire. This was because of Poe, Finn, and Chewbacca using the gas pedal erratically after escaping bad guys while getting info on Ren’s wayfinder device from a spy inside the First Order.

But the group does manage to tell the Resistance that the Emperor has returned. One of them (Dominic Monaghan) says that the Sith have been known to dabble in cloning (which is actually how the Emperor was able to return in the comic Dark Empire). Rey realizes that Luke’s notes refer to a Sith artifact which could help them out. His notes state that it may be on the planet Pasaana. After hugging Leia goodbye, Rey is off, with Poe, Finn, Chewbaccca, BB-8, and C-3PO. Rose declines because Leia needs her help if First Order ships arrive.

They arrive on Pasaana and quickly get in a skirmish with First Order troops, but get help from Lando Calrissian. The group is honored to meet him, and Lando says that he and Luke searched for the artifact on the planet years earlier and takes them to the spot where they last heard it was located. Meanwhile, Ren and Rey’s Force telepathy is activated and he’s able to determine where she is.

Our heroes are soon engulfed in what seems to be quicksand. But instead of killing them, it basically tosses them into an underground cave. They find a dagger with Sith text inscribed on it. However, 3PO states that his programming forbids him from translating it. They’re all suddenly startled by the sight of a huge serpent-like creature. But Rey sees that the creature is wounded and she uses the Force to heal it, before the creature darts off.

Poe suggests that they could get the info out of 3PO’s head at a planet called Kijimi, which he’s familiar with. They find another ship to take them there, as the Falcon is too recognizable. But before boarding, Rey senses Ren and goes out to confront him, doing an awesome Force somersault over his TIE Fighter. During this fight, Chewie gets captured by First Order troops, along with the dagger. Rey uses the Force to prevent the transport holding Chewie from leaving, while Ren does the same in order to release her hold on the ship. This leads to Rey shooting Force lightning, destroying the ship and apparently killing Chewbacca. The shattered heroes quickly leave, while Rey briefly tells Finn about her fears that she’s now getting about herself.

Alas, the next scene is on Ren’s ship, with the audience realizing that Chewie is still alive, and he’s brought before General Hux.

On Kijimi, Poe is able to make contact with his old acquaintance Zorii Bliss (Keri Russell). Rey, Finn, and the others are startled to learn that Poe was a smuggler, while Zorii wastes no time telling Poe how pissed she is at him for basically going off to join the Resistance. But she agrees to take them to a place where the info can be gotten out of 3PO’s head. This operation results in his memory being wiped. But before he can get reacquainted with everyone, Ren and his troops arrive. Rey senses that Chewie is still alive and she and the others board Ren’s Star Destroyer, thanks to a special ID badge that Zorii gives Poe.

As Poe and Finn rescue Chewie, Rey and Ren have another telepathic Force chat while she secretly makes her way to his quarters. Ren tells Rey that the Emperor is her grandfather and that he killed her parents and wants to kill her because he fears Rey’s power. She’s torn over this, and the two exchange lightsaber blows. Rey knocks over Ren’s burnt Vader mask, which leads him to realize that she’s on his ship.

Elsewhere, Poe, Finn, and Chewie are captured, but discover that Hux is actually a spy when he kills the troops about to gun them down. He arranges their escape, even asking Finn to shoot him to make it seem like they overpowered him. When they ask why he’s doing this, Hux basically says he hates Ren.

Ren confronts Rey in the hangar, but she’s able to escape with the others on the Millennium Falcon. Hux himself is killed by Allegiant General Pryde (Richard E. Grant) for treason, and I hate when movies kill annoying characters just when they start to become interesting. The Star Destroyer then destroys Kijimi using its Death Star-esque laser.

The Sith dagger leads our heroes to Kef Bir, specifically the remains of the second Death Star which blew up near Endor. Once there, they encounter a group led by Jannah (Naomi Ackie), who like Finn was once a Stormtrooper. The violent ocean tides are separating them from the Death Star wreckage, but that doesn’t stop Rey from going there herself. As Finn and Jannah follow, Rey finds the wayfinder, and briefly fights a vision of herself as a Sith lord. Ren appears and fights with Rey after destroying the wayfinder. Rey pushes Finn aside with the Force when he attempts to help her.

But Ren is briefly distracted when a dying Leia contacts him via the Force. This allows Rey to impale him, but when she senses that Leia has died, an anguished Rey uses the Force to heal Ren. She’s so shaken that she takes his ship and departs to Ahch-To, where she trained under Luke. After Finn and the others leave, Ren is on the Death Star remains and sees a vision of his father Han. Han says that, while his mother is now gone, what she fought for is still alive. This convinces his son to toss aside his lightsaber, reclaiming his true identity as Ben Solo.

Rey is burning all her links to the Jedi, but Luke’s Force ghost appears and prevents her from destroying her lightsaber. He tells her where Leia’s lightsaber was kept, and that she deliberately put it aside after getting a vision of her son’s eventual death, but that it would one day be used again. With Luke’s encouragement, Rey goes off to face the Emperor, using Luke’s X-wing to get her there (I guess it can fly without an R2 unit?).

Poe and Finn are now the Resistance leaders, although the former has doubts that he can honor Leia. But Lando gives him encouragement just as Rey transmits Exegol’s location to the Resistance, and all the available ships are soon airborne. The Emperor encourages Rey to kill him in order to transfer his spirit into her. As the Resistance arrives, they face a crap-ton of Star Destroyers, all with Death Star weaponry.

Ben arrives and fights off his former troops to help Rey. But the Emperor neutralizes both of them with his Force lightning. He then uses it on the Resistance ships. But after he tosses Ben down a cliff, Rey slowly but surely gets to her feet, hearing the voices of Luke and the other Jedi. She deflects the Emperor’s lightning with both Luke and Leia’s lightsabers, which ends up killing him. This stops the attack on the Resistance, which is soon joined by reinforcements led by Lando and Chewie in the Falcon. Zorii is also part of the cavalry, as is Wedge (Denis Lawson).

The super-duper Star Destroyers are soon all taken out, but the destruction of the Emperor destruction kills Rey. This prompts Ben to use the Force to revive her. They briefly kiss before Ben quietly dies, vanishing like Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Luke did before him. After our heroes celebrate (with glimpses of Cloud City and Endor), Rey goes to Tatooine. At the farm where Luke was raised, she buries Luke and Leia’s lightsabers. A passerby asks her name, and seeing the spirits of Luke and Leia, Rey says “Rey Skywalker.”

Like The Last Jedi, this film has some plot holes. For instance, I hate that we’re just meant to assume that the Emperor (I know his name is Palpatine, but that name always sounded like a generic mouthwash to me -'Maybe he's born with it, maybe it's Palpatine') is alive again. I would’ve preferred it if Ren would try to contact him, just as Rey tries to contact the other Jedi at the film’s beginning. The revelation that Rey herself is the Emperor’s granddaughter has turned off some people, and I can see why, although I’d take that over George Lucas’s midichlorian crap any day. Also, having a fleet of Star Destroyers that can blow things up like the Death Star was definitely pushing it.

But, again like The Last Jedi, The Rise of Skywalker is watchable thanks to the interaction between our heroes. While we get a cliched “I have to tell you something” moment between Finn and Rey (which is never resolved, by the way), there’s at least some sense of the comraderie that the heroes in the original trilogy had. I liked that we learn that Leia did, in fact, train as a Jedi and it was cool that Rey built her own lightsaber that’s yellow, since the original Luke action figures Kenner put out came with a yellow lightsaber. It’s great seeing Williams as Lando again and Ford’s brief cameo was a nice surprise.

Hence, like The Last Jedi, this isn’t a great film per se, but it is watchable. It just fails to achieve the promise of the moments presented in the previous film. As a result, the ending is rushed!

The Grinches

This Agony Booth article looks at the different screen version's of Dr. Seuss's classic Christmas story.

It’s the holiday season again, and one of the most beloved of all Christmas stories is How the Grinch Stole Christmas! The book was written by Theodor Geisel, otherwise known as Dr. Seuss.

Published in 1957, the title character is a monstrous unfriendly sort who’s disgusted with how the populace in the village of Whoville, below his mountain home, are always so giddy at Christmastime. With the reluctant help of his dog Max, the Grinch attempts to give the Whos their worst Christmas ever by stealing all their food, presents, and decorations. Crudely disguising himself as Santa Claus and disguising Max as a reindeer, the Grinch goes to Whoville in a sleigh, and as the Whos sleep, he and Max take all their possessions. They’re almost caught in the act by young Cindy Lou Who, but the Grinch convinces her that he’s really Santa Claus, and taking their tree to his workshop to fix a light, and with that he sends her back to bed.

After dumping all their presents and decorations over the mountain, the Grinch waits eagerly for cries of anguish from the Whos, only to hear joyful singing at the arrival of Christmas. While shocked at getting the opposite reaction he was expecting, the Grinch begins to realize that the holiday season is not so much about material possessions, but rather love, joy, and family. He subsequently redeems himself by preventing the Whos’ possessions from falling over the abyss and returns with his huge load to Whoville, where he and Max join them in their annual feast.

The book would go on to be adapted for the screen three times. So, which is the best of these three? Let’s find out!

How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966)

The first version originally aired on CBS on December 18, 1966. The story was animated by Looney Tunes legend Chuck Jones and narrated by Boris Karloff, who also voiced the title character. In addition, there were three songs created for the special: “Welcome Christmas”, “Trim Up the Tree”, and “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”. The latter was sung by Thurl Ravenscroft, best known for voicing Tony the Tiger in commercials for Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes.

An uncredited June Foray voices Cindy Lou Who. Foray also voiced other classic animated characters such as Rocky from Rocky & Bullwinkle and Tweety Bird’s owner Granny. Curiously, Karloff would voice the character in the subsequently released soundtrack version of the story, which was released at the same time the special aired.

Unlike the other two filmed versions of the story, the plot of this Grinch adaptation is pretty much the same as the book, as summarized above.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

Over 30 years later came a feature-length film adaptation of the book, directed by Ron Howard and with Jim Carrey as the title character. As this was a bona-fide movie and not a half-hour special, it was perhaps inevitable that some additions were made to the story for purposes of length. In this version, the Grinch still hates Christmas and the Whos, but the feeling is mutual here, because he’s known for pulling harmful pranks on them. Cindy Lou Who (Taylor Momsen) believes her fellow Whos emphasize the material aspect of Christmas too much. She also encounters the Grinch one day and learns that he has a tragic past.

As a child, the Grinch was adopted by two sisters. He grew up shy and with a crush on Martha May Whovier (Christine Baranski). Her friendship with the Grinch led to jealousy from Augustus Maywho (Jeffrey Tambor), who began to pick on the Grinch. The other kids, save Martha, laughed at the Grinch when he attempted to shave off his beard. This led to him shouting that he hates Christmas and running off to live on Mount Crumpit.

This story prompts Cindy to nominate the Grinch for Whoville’s “Holiday Cheermeister”. This displeases Maywho, who’s become mayor of Whoville, but the Grinch accepts the offer when Cindy climbs Mount Crumpit to invite him. However, just as the Grinch is beginning to have fun, Maywho reminds him of his past bullying by giving him an electric shaver and even proposes to Martha in front of him. This angers the Grinch, who lashes out at the Whos and returns to Mount Crumpit.

It’s at this point that the Grinch begins plotting to make Christmas miserable for the Whos by stealing all their things as they’re sleeping. Disguised as Santa and with Max disguised as a reindeer, the Grinch returns to Whoville and breaks into Cindy’s house first. She catches him stealing the tree, but he lies to her in order to get away. The Grinch hits the other houses before returning to Mt. Crumpit.

That morning, the Whos are horrified by the massive theft. Maywho blames Cindy for allowing this to happen, but her father Lou Lou Who (Bill Irwin) defends her by repeating her stance that Christmas is not about gifts or possessions but love and family. The other Whos agree and begin singing.

Hearing the joyous caroling, the Grinch has his epiphany. This gives him the strength to prevent his massive bag of stolen goods from falling down the mountain, saving Cindy as well, who had stowed herself away in the bag in order to spend Christmas with the Grinch. They ride back down to Whoville, where the Grinch apologizes and surrenders himself to the police. His apology is accepted, overriding Maywho’s orders to arrest and pepper spray him. Martha rejects Maywho as the Grinch joins in the Whos’ feast.

The Grinch (2018)

This third version of the book is both a feature film and animated. Benedict Cumberbatch voices the title role here, and as with the previous version, there were additions made in order to make this feature length.

Christmas is coming and the Whos are excited while the Grinch is not, but Cindy Lou Who (voiced by Cameron Seely) is noting how stressed her mom (Rashida Jones) is from taking care of her and her brothers. En route to mailing a letter to Santa Claus (with a wish to help her mom), Cindy meets the Grinch, who snidely says that she’d have to personally chat with Kris Kringle in order to help her mother. Cindy decides to trap Santa after her mother says it would take too long for her to travel to the North Pole.

The Grinch, meanwhile, unsuccessfully tries to ruin a tree-lighting ceremony, which leads to him remembering his lonely childhood in an orphanage. He decides to deal with this pain by ruining the Whos’ Christmas. He buys a big reindeer he names Fred and steals a sleigh from his neighbor. But the Grinch lets Fred go after learning that he has a family. This prompts the Grinch to draft Max into taking his place.

But upon arriving in Whoville on Christmas Eve, the Grinch falls into Cindy’s trap. Although he’s touched by Cindy’s request to help her mom, the Grinch carries on with his task. After his massive theft, the Grinch returns to Mt. Crumpit with Max. The Whos awake and are shocked that all their things are gone. Cindy blames herself because of her Santa trap, but Cindy’s mom reassures her that Christmas is not about presents but about love, which she has so much of for Cindy.

The Grinch is puzzled at hearing joyful singing from the Whos, but listening to it makes his own heart soar and prompts him to save his massive bag of stolen goods, with the help of Fred and his family, before it falls off the mountain. The Grinch returns the stolen goods, and after apologizing, returns to his home, ashamed of himself. Sympathizing with the Grinch, Cindy invites him to celebrate Christmas with her family. He accepts, saying that it wasn’t Christmas he hated, but being lonely.

Which is best?

This may seem like a no-brainer to some, but the original 1966 version remains the most famous version of the book, not to mention the most faithful to its source material. Karloff, who was already known and loved for his roles in such classic films as Frankenstein and The Mummy was the perfect choice to voice the Grinch. He would even win a Grammy for his voice work on the album of the special. Likewise, Jones’s animated work here is every bit as great as his Looney Tunes work.

Ironically, Thurl Ravenscroft was not credited in the closing credits of the special, which may be why many attributed the singing to Karloff. This led Seuss to call Ravenscroft to apologize, as well as to write letters to reporters across the country to ensure that Ravenscroft’s contribution would not be overlooked. Ravenscroft would go on to voice the later Seuss TV specials Horton Hears a Who and The Lorax.

The 2000 film has its moments (having Sir Anthony Hopkins narrate the story was a nice touch), and that may actually be its problem as well: it stuffs way too much into what should be a simple story. Carrey certainly has the control over his facial expressions needed for such a role as the Grinch, and the legendary Rick Baker does his usual great job with the Grinch makeup (it even won Baker another of his many Oscars). But the unnecessary backstory of the film, along with the innuendos (although this proved to be nothing compared to those in the later big-screen version of The Cat in the Hat) fail to make the film as enjoyable as the earlier version.

Fortunately, last year’s version of the story delivered something more enjoyable. Like the previous version, it had unnecessary backstory added to make it longer. The Grinch worked perfectly fine as a character whose backstory unknown; all that was important was how he finds reason to smile. The good news is that Cumberbatch delivers (as with Doctor Strange, he utilizes an American accent) as does the rest of the voice cast, which includes Angela Lansbury as the mayor of Whoville.

The Witches of Eastwick vs. The Craft

Here I look at two movies centering on witches.

As with vampires and ghosts, there have been numerous types of witches in both literature and film throughout the years. Before the series Charmed basically redefined the onscreen concept of witches, there were two memorable films which came out within a decade of each other that showed us that there was more to the concept than just the Wicked Witches of the East and West.

The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

The title witches are BFF’s Alex Medford (Cher), Jane Spofford (Susan Sarandon), and Sukie Ridgemont (Michelle Pfeiffer). They’ve become bored with the lives they lead in Eastwick, Rhode Island, although they bond over the fact that they’re not married, even though both Alex and Sukie have kids. Unbeknownst to them, their weekly get-togethers end up drawing upon the witch powers they’re unaware that they have as they constantly fantasize about their dream man.

This results in a new town resident named Daryl Van Horne (Jack Nicholson) arriving and buying Eastwick’s Lennox Mansion, which was built on the site where accused witches were executed way back when. Daryl continues to make a stir when he loudly applauds Jane’s cello playing at a music recital. He next makes friends with Alex and she initially tells Daryl to piss off after he makes some rude comments. But he’s soon able to turn this repulsion into sex. The next day, Daryl succeeds in seducing Jane after they have a musical duet with Jane on her cello and Daryl on the piano.

Naturally, Alex and Sukie are shocked the next day when the former brings Sukie over to meet Daryl and finds Jane there already. But this awkward moment doesn’t stop him from sleeping with Sukie as well. The resentment that emerges between the trio over this ends up with their discovery of their powers when they levitate a tennis ball. They all agree to date Daryl.

One person who takes a dislike to Daryl is Felicia Alden (Veronica Cartwright), whose husband Clyde (Richard Jenkins) is Sukie’s boss. Felicia initially makes her disapproval known when Daryl first arrives in town, and she subsequently breaks her leg when falling down a flight of stairs. The witches’ involvement with Daryl prompts her to make more noise denouncing them. But Daryl manages to direct the witches into unwillingly casting a spell which leads to Felicia puking up cherries, prompting a horrified Clyde to kill her.

Felicia’s death leads to the witches avoiding each other as well as Daryl. Pissed off by this, he casts a spell to manifest each of their fears. This leads to all three resuming their sexcapades with him. But this turns out to be a ruse, as the next day, they create a voodoo doll of Daryl as he’s out buying food.

Experiencing intense pain, Daryl runs into a church and begins cursing the witches and vomits cherries himself. He returns home to fight the witches, but after turning into a monster, he vanishes after the ladies toss his voodoo doll likeness into a fire.

The film ends months later with all three witches still living in Daryl’s place, each having a son thanks to him. Their dad appears on the TVs in the house and attempts to lure the kids toward him. But he’s stopped when their moms switch the sets off.

The Craft (1996)

Nine years after The Witches of Eastwick came another film with witches as the protagonists. This time, however, the witches are in high school. Sarah Bailey (Robin Tunney) is a troubled new arrival at her San Francisco school. She soon bonds with Bonnie Harper (Neve Campbell), Nancy Downs (Fairuza Balk), and Rochelle Zimmerman (Rachel True), all three of whom are outcasts, and according to some, also witches. The three see potential in Sarah and believe she can make their coven powerful. This confidence is reinforced when a guy who bullies Sarah is later hit by a car.

Sarah is soon casting a love spell upon Chris Hooker (Skeet Ulrich) after he falsely claims they had lousy sex after their date and refers to the group as the “bitches of Eastwick”. Her new friends follow suit as Rochelle casts a spell on racist bully Laura Lizzie (Christine Taylor), which leads to Laura losing her hair. Bonnie casts a spell which makes the scars on her back that she received in an accident heal up, while Nancy’s spell leads to the death of her stepfather, allowing her and her mom to use the cash from his life insurance to get a better place.

This increases Nancy’s lust for power and she calls upon the other three ladies to perform a rite with her. Afterward, Nancy is hit by lightning, which in turn leads her to have further disregard for her life and those of her three friends.

Power also ends up getting the better of the others. Bonnie becomes more egotistical, Rochelle is overwhelmed by Laura’s anguish over her baldness, and Chris becomes all-too-infatuated with Sarah. When he attempts to rape her, Nancy uses a spell to disguise herself as Sarah so Chris will have sex with her. He’s pissed off when Sarah herself interrupts, which leads to Nancy killing him by tossing him out a window.

Bonnie, Rochelle, and Nancy all turn on Sarah when the latter attempts a spell to stop Nancy. They flood her mind with illusions and bring up her mother’s death when she gave birth to her (which previously led to Sarah attempting suicide). But Sarah is able to draw upon her powers to fight them off, just as Nancy attempts to slit her wrists. Sarah torments Bonnie by making her scars reappear, while Rochelle loses some of her hair and Nancy is prevented from harming her further.

Bonnie and Rochelle attempt to make amends, but Sarah cuts them off and states that their god “Manon” has stripped them of their powers for abusing them. The film ends with Nancy having been committed to a mental institution, insanely sayuing that she’s flying.

Which is better?

This is a bit tough because, while The Craft definitely has more creepy moments, Eastwick has more sexy moments, and as a result, could be seen as the more fun of the two films. One could argue that Eastwick is a bit like The Rocky Horror Picture Show (which also starred Sarandon), only without the musical numbers. Such moments as Alex adamantly telling Daryl to piss off only to get in bed with him a moment later reinforce that. But all three leading ladies are appealing and Jack is in peak form with a role that rivals his previous one in The Shining and his later one in Batman in terms of pure scenery-chewing.

The film was based on the novel of the same name by John Updike. The book was actually darker than the film with some notable differences. One of these was that Daryl marries another girl, prompting the three witches to cast a spell that causes her death. I, for one, am happy this wasn’t in the film, as it would’ve made the title witches less sympathetic.

Likewise, all four of the leading ladies of The Craft are terrific, with Tunney doing especially well in her pivotal role as a troubled teen who realizes that the powers she initially views as her salvation are a double-edged sword. Balk, Campbell, and True are also great because, like Tunney, they gain the audience’s sympathy because their characters are outcasts from their fellow high schoolers, and retain that sympathy despite their later less-than-benevolent acts.

The film’s producer Douglas Wick came up with the idea of a film about witches going through the usual trials and tribulations of high school. He worked on the script with Peter Filardi, who did extensive research about witchcraft. Many actresses auditioned for the four leads, such as Alicia Silverstone and Angelina Jolie before production began.

Both films have unique takes on witches. One centers on a group who slowly realize how powerful they are, while the other has a group who are aware of their powers and recruit someone they view as a kindred spirit to make them even more powerful. In both cases, the results turn out to be more than the protagonists bargained for. Whether you like your witches sexy or scary, both films are worth seeing.

Bring It On vs. Sugar & Spice

This looks at two films about cheerleaders which were released within a year of each other.

School is back in session in many areas, and as anyone who’s been to one knows, one prominent aspect of high school is cheerleading. This is why I’m now comparing two movies involving cheerleaders.

Bring It On (2000)

This film centers on San Diego high schooler Torrance Shipman (Kirsten Dunst), who begins her senior year on a nice note as she becomes the captain of her school’s cheerleading squad, the Toros. As such, she begins priming them for the upcoming national title, which the team has already won for the previous five years. But her teammate Carver (Bianca Kajlich) is injured, prompting Torrance to search for a replacement. One is found in new student Missy Pantone (Eliza Dushku), in whom Torrance sees potential, although her other teammates think she’s too much of an outcast.

Torrance is surprised when Missy, after seeing the Toros practice, thinks Torrance is a thief as she recognizes the team’s moves are being used by another team from another high school. After Torrance convinces her of her ignorance in the matter, Missy takes her to Los Angeles and shows her that team, the East Compton Clovers. Torrance learns that the previous captain came by and recorded/stole these moves from the Clovers, and if that’s not bad enough, the team’s leader Isis (Gabrielle Union) takes an understandably-pissed off stance against Torrance and Missy before they can leave.

Alas, this doesn’t prevent the Toros from using the same routine at their next home game. Not surprisingly, this leads to the Clovers showing up to humiliate them by performing the same moves. Torrance sets out to create a new routine, but the choreographer they hire teaches the same act to another team, which Torrance discovers at the regionals. The Toros still get earn their place in the nationals, but Torrance is strongly warned to get a new act for them.

She considers resigning, but is supported by Missy’s brother Cliff (Jesse Bradford). But Torrance’s college boyfriend Aaron (Richard Hillman), who recommended the choreographer, tells her that this isn’t the position for her, to the delight of her teammates Courtney (Clare Kramer) and Whitney (Nicole Bilderback), who’d love to replace Torrance. The fact that her boyfriend cheats on her doesn’t help either.

Cliff’s support wavers after he sees Torrance with Aaron. But Torrance manages to convince her team to create a new routine, and to break up with Aaron. She even tries to give the Clovers a hand by offering them money to compete in the nationals, which they had been unable to do in previous years due to financial issues. Isis declines and gets the Clovers to the nationals thanks to a local talk show host.

At the nationals, the Clovers win, with the Toros placing second. Torrance and Cliff kiss and make up and she and Isis happily convey their respect for each other.

Sugar & Spice (2001)

Just one year after Bring It On came another movie about cheerleaders. The cheerleaders at Lincoln High band together after their captain Diane Weston (Marley Shelton) becomes pregnant thanks to her boyfriend, the school’s quarterback Jack Bartlett (James Marsden). The two are definitely made for each other as they both share the same air-headed personality. This is why Jack has trouble getting a job to support his new family after their parents kick them out of their homes, forcing them to get an apartment. Jack does, however, manage to get a job at a video store.

But the hardship of this new lifestyle prompts Diane to enlist her four teammates Kansas Hill (Mena Suvari), Cleo Miller (Melissa George), Lucy Whitmore (Sara Marsh), and Hannah Wald (Rachel Blanchard) into planning a robbery, specifically by robbing a safe at the supermarket Diane works at. They also pledge to keep this all a secret from Jack.

They prep for this by watching heist movies such as Dog Day Afternoon, and as it turns out, Kansas’s mom (Sean Young) knows where they can get weapons thanks to her contacts at the prison where she’s a resident. This leads the girls to a bug exterminator (W. Earl Brown) who calls himself the “Terminator” (how original). He agrees to sell them weapons on the condition that his shy daughter Fern Rogers (Alexandra Holden) can join their squad. They agree.

Our squad is soon simultaneously prepping for the heist and practicing choreography for the upcoming winter ball. They also order masks. But Lucy has second thoughts, thinking this could jeopardize the scholarship she just got to Harvard. On top of that, they’re in need of a getaway car, which they get when Fern says they can use her dad’s van, although the brakes aren’t the best. Diane is even somewhat guilt-ridden when she learns Jack sold his GTO to get her an engagement ring.

When the day of the robbery arrives, Lucy comes along as well, having changed her mind, and, amusingly, has to wear a Richard Nixon mask, while the others are wearing the blonde doll masks that Kansas’s mom helped get for them. The robbery itself succeeds, although one of the guns our girls are carrying goes off, nearly shooting a customer. The robbery quickly hits the news.

After celebrating and burning their costumes, the resentful Lisa Janusch (Marla Sokoloff), who’s jealous of Diane for both being the cheerleading captain and winning Jack’s heart, reveals that since she was one of the customers being held at gunpoint at the time of the robbery, she recognized the stunts the squad performed in order to block the cameras at the market. The FBI takes the squad in.

But Diane makes a deal with Lisa: she’ll make her the captain (since Diane’s pregnancy is preventing her from doing much cheerleading anyway) as long as she keeps her mouth shut. Diane’s teammates hate this deal, but are sympathetic as to why Diane made it. She informs Jack that they have more money because she won the lottery, and all of the squad go on to nice things with their shares of the cash.

Which is better?

In terms of laughs, Sugar & Spice has the edge, basically because it’s silly and it knows it. The cast all performs accordingly, especially Shelton (and, unlike her appearances in Valentine and Bubble Boy, which were both released the same year, I’m pretty sure this was intentional). But Young steals the show as Kansas’s bizarre mother, which may be appropriate considering how bizarre Young herself has been reported to be. The way our heroines slap their bums when they chant their motto is also sure to provide a chuckle.

The film is sometimes too silly for its own good. For instance, Cleo’s obsession with Conan O’Brien loses its laugh factor pretty quickly, although her freakiest moment is her admitting that the sight of Jesus on the cross turns her on. Ironically, the film’s writer, Lona Williams, had her name removed from the movie after the producers asked that the script’s darker content be toned down following the tragedy at Columbine. In fact, the film’s original title was Sugar & Spice & Semi-Automatics. The story was partially based on a series of robberies perpetrated by a group of teenage girls in Texas in 1999. Unlike the film, the actual girls cited mere boredom as the motivation for their crime spree, and also unlike the film, they had to spend a little more time behind bars.

Suvari is also underused, which is both disappointing and surprising considering that she had already scored big time with the one-two punch of American Pie and American Beauty. It’s unfortunate that none of her subsequent roles have been on par with her work in those two films.

But Bring It On is probably the better of the two, mainly because for those looking for a cheerleader film, this film actually goes into the details of that field. In contrast, Sugar & Spice simply uses cheer as background to get into its heist plot. Also, Bring It On at least tries to bring something original to the teen comedy formula. Yes, we have the “girl must dump bad boy for one better for her” cliche, but Dunst is likable throughout, while Dushku and Union both have appealing characters to play as well. Not surprisingly, all three actresses got nice career boosts thanks to this film.

Like the aforementioned American Pie, which came out the previous year, Bring It On would have numerous sequels, but unlike that film, none of them featured any cast members from the original. Sugar & Spice on the other hand ended up being a box-office flop. That’s a shame, because while certainly not perfect, it does make for a pleasant enough time killer if you turn your brain off.

Star Trek: Picard

This article discusses what I hope we will see with the upcoming Star Trek series.

As most everyone is aware by now, the next Star Trek series, Star Trek: Picard, is set to begin on CBS All Access next year. Like Star Trek: Discovery, it will only be available for viewing on the CBS site and is produced by the same behind-the-scenes team as that series, including Alex Kurtzman and Rod Roddenberry (Gene’s son).

The title, naturally, implies that it will focus on Sir Patrick Stewart’s famous character, who was last seen 17 years earlier in Star Trek: Nemesis. The trailers for the series show us a Picard who’s become somewhat saddened in the years since Nemesis—though not because of the movie itself, although that would be understandable. Data’s death in that film is referenced, and Brent Spiner is even seen reprising his role. Other Trek alumni who are confirmed to make appearances on the show are Jeri Ryan’s Seven of Nine, as well as Jonathan Frakes’s Riker and Marina Sirtis’s Troi. Frakes is even set to direct some episodes.

All this certainly sounds promising. But as experience has more or less taught me, promise should be tempered with concern. I suppose that concern is brought on by the fact that the current Trek series, Discovery, isn’t exactly endearing itself to Trek fans the way the network hoped it would. The fact that there were reported changes in the behind-the-scenes staff on that show is just the tip of the iceberg. But the show is currently viewed by many as just treading the same ground the original Star Trek series and Star Trek: The Next Generation already did. Yes, things could potentially turn around for Discovery in its upcoming third season, but I’m concerned that Picard could fall into this same trap.

This brings me to what I hope this new show will bring to the table.

One of my major complaints with the four Next Generation movies was that they failed to take advantage of the rich tapestry of stories that the show itself provided. Yes, we did get some bones thrown to us in that regard, most famously the Borg in First Contact (which is why Voyager would then take that ball and run with it, straight into the ground). But these were, in the end, solely used to get to the next action scene in the film they were in. Contrast this with the original series films, which brought back a memorable antagonist for its second installment with a story that nicely segued into three of the four movies that came after it.

My hope is that this new show will do something similar when it comes to recalling the events of TNG. I’m given hope for this with the news that Jonathan Del Arco will reprise his role as the Borg drone the TNG crew christened Hugh in “I, Borg” and who was last seen in the “Descent” two-parter. As I stated before, we already have three other TNG regulars confirmed to make appearances. It would be nice if the rest did as well, although hopefully not in a rushed or contrived manner.

One thing I find interesting in the trailer now available is that Seven has a different (more human?) tone of voice than she did on Voyager. That alone makes me wonder how things could play out.

Picard himself is shown as a different person. Having become disenchanted with Starfleet in the years since Nemesis, he now lives out his days in his family’s vineyards in France. That is, until circumstances call upon him to return to Starfleet. In this series, Picard is allied with new characters, played by actors such as Santiago Cabrera, Michelle Hurd, and Alison Pill. I haven’t seen enough footage from the show to make any judgment (positive or otherwise) about these characters yet, but here’s hoping they’re each given a chance to shine, unlike in Discovery, where basically the entire supporting cast has been overshadowed by Sonequa-Martin Green’s Michael Burnham.

This also brings up something else I hope the show will give us: a different dynamic between the regulars. As all the main TNG characters were in Starfleet, it became a matter of getting used to Picard’s command style when they met in the premiere episode “Encounter at Farpoint”. This show, however, is not one in which a ship is assigned to explore the vastness of the galaxy. As a result, any new supporting players, and even Picard himself, should have different outlooks and even different agendas.

From what the trailer shows, Picard himself does go back into space, although the Enterprise herself isn’t mentioned. I have no problem with him being on another ship, but it would be nice if his years on the ship whose name has done Starfleet proud for two centuries would at least be mentioned in passing.

In his review of the third TNG movie Insurrection, SFDebris suggested that the TNG regulars could have potentially locked horns with each other over the life-giving energy that surrounded the planet where the annoying space Amish people lived. That could have really given that film dramatic fireworks, and like Wrath of Khan, it could’ve taken Star Trek into a new direction. As we’re expecting to see Riker, Troi, and even Data in Picard, it would be dramatically fascinating if these characters, who fought side by side with Picard for years, were now finding themselves with interests which conflict with his own.

A continuous storyline would also benefit the series. One aspect of TNG I always thought made that show special was that it had story arcs (perhaps the most famous of these being the Klingon and Borg arcs) alongside standalone tales. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine took the serialization aspect even further, while Voyager, Enterprise, and Discovery all ended up telling it to piss off. But such continuity would serve this new show greatly as it deals with a different Picard than the one we saw in TNG. It could show him slowly but surely returning to the profession he was made for with renewed vigor.

My only hope is that his potential return to the captain’s chair doesn’t simply redo TNG with new supporting players. I’ve heard some criticize the ending of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, which shows our heroes back in their old positions on a new Enterprise, complete with Kirk being demoted to captain. But the good vibes the film itself generated made this ending pleasing for me. An added bonus was how Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country showed us what transpired during the five years in between the two films. Sulu becomes a captain himself while both the Federation and the Klingons are now being led by individuals who are open to building potential bridges in order to begin a new chapter of peace when circumstances dictate that doing so would be beneficial. The great storyline for that film is set into motion by those on both sides who dread what such diplomatic acts could lead to. In other words, while Kirk and his crew still did some exploring in the years between Voyage Home and Undiscovered Country, there were dynamics that made this period different than the one during the series. Hence, something such as this could work for Picard as well.

As I stated, the new show, like Discovery, is also headed by Kurtzman, who wrote the first two entries of the Trek reboot films. He has stated that the new show will follow the prime universe timeline established by the first movie in the reboot trilogy (the destruction of Romulus, the death of Spock, etc.), for good and for bad as far as I’m concerned. I put it that way because that trilogy, with all its promise of bringing something new to Trek, ended up just being generic action movies that pissed all over the original series. The four TNG films ended up doing the same with that series.

The new show has potential; here’s hoping it doesn’t flush it away.

Star Trek-"The City on the Edge of Forever"

This article compares the televised version of this celebrated Star Trek episode with its original script.

Many Star Trek fans say that the original series’s crowning achievement was the penultimate episode of the show’s first season, “The City on the Edge of Forever.” Some fans go further than that by saying it’s the finest episode of all the Trek series. While I wouldn’t exactly rank it that high in either case (for reasons I’ll get to shortly), one thing that’s certainly added to the story’s mystique is the fact that the episode’s author, the late Harlan Ellison, famously expressed his dislike for the episode itself, a la Stephen King with Stanley Kubrick’s version of The Shining.

Ellison’s original script had a number of differences from how the episode itself turned out. Gene Roddenberry would go on to add to Ellison’s dissatisfaction by stating for years afterward that the original script would’ve been too expensive to shoot, as well as infamously saying that the story had Scotty dealing drugs.

Just a few years after Roddenberry’s death in 1991, Ellison would publish a book containing his original “City” screenplay. Ellison also used the book to express his displeasure at how Roddenberry painted him during the intervening years since “City” was first televised in 1967. I recently purchased the original “City” script in comic book form. This prompted me to draw a comparison between the teleplay and the episode it was turned into. As most people are more familiar with the episode itself, I’ll start with a brief recap of that.

The episode begins with the Enterprise tracking waves of time displacement, which have led them to an unknown planet. These waves are causing the ship to violently rock as the crew tries to navigate through it. One such wave knocks Sulu out, prompting Kirk to call McCoy. Bones administers a special drug which revives Sulu. The doctor is putting his medical kit back in order when another wave hits, causing the hypo Bones is holding to pump a shit-ton of that same drug into him. After a few seconds, Bones leaps up ranting like a maniac, and violently pushes everyone away before taking off.

After the title sequence, Kirk has security searching the ship for McCoy. But Bones quickly knocks out the transporter chief before escaping the ship by beaming down to the planet where the time waves are originating from. Kirk, Spock, Scotty, Uhura, and two redshirts go after him. On the surface, they’re surrounded by ruins of a former city. In the center of this is the source of the time waves: a glowing ring, which soon speaks to them, identifying itself as the Guardian of Forever. Our heroes realize that the Guardian is a time portal as it shows them images from the distant past.

McCoy appears, still batshit crazy, but Spock quickly nerve-pinches him. Kirk wonders if they can take McCoy back briefly in time to prevent his accident, although Spock poo-pooh’s the idea, given how fast the Guardian is showing the images. But the playback is slow enough for Spock to start recording the imagery playing in front of him. It’s at this point that McCoy revives and quickly disappears after leaping into the Guardian.

The Guardian states that McCoy is in the past. Uhura tells Kirk that she suddenly can’t get anyone on her communicator, leading to the revelation that the Enterprise, not to mention the Federation, is gone because McCoy has changed history. I’m assuming the landing party still exists because of their close proximity to the Guardian.

Kirk and Spock decide to chase after McCoy, making sure they arrive at a point before he does. The two leap through and end up in New York City in 1930. They quickly grab some period clothes, which leads to police chasing them, after Spock nerve-pinches one. They find refuge in the basement of a seemingly abandoned building. But as they start to make plans, a woman (Joan Collins) finds them after coming down from the upper floor. Kirk tells her that he and Spock have no money and stole the clothes they’re now wearing. The lady introduces herself as Edith Keeler, and tells them that they’re in the 21st Street Mission (which she runs), and offers them employment. Edith later offers them an apartment to stay at once she sees how good Kirk and Spock are at maintenance.

Weeks begin to pass while Spock uses some of his and Kirk’s earnings to crate a makeshift computer in order to interface with the data he recorded with his tricorder before and after McCoy changed history. At the same time, Kirk is becoming smitten with Edith, especially with her predictions and lectures on where humanity is heading in the decades to come.

One night, as Kirk takes a romantic walk with Edith, Spock is able to get some info. This info is Edith’s obituary. Kirk arrives but the info that’s shown this time is of a meeting she’ll have with FDR in 1936. That’s when the computer burns out. Spock informs Kirk that he saw her obituary, which is dated 1930. They realize McCoy made one of these events happen, and Kirk tells Spock to get his equipment going again.

More weeks pass as Spock repairs the equipment, during which time McCoy arrives and scares the living bejeezus out of a bum who loiters around the mission. The heavy drugs eventually cause McCoy to pass out, giving the bum a chance to swipe his phaser, which he quickly uses to vaporize himself with. The next morning, McCoy weakly makes his way to the mission, where Edith takes him to a room to let him rest, although Kirk and Spock just miss him.

Spock and Kirk are soon able to get more info from the tricorder. They learn that McCoy saved Edith from getting hit by a truck. This led to her becoming the head of a peace movement, which will prevent the U.S. from entering World War II. This, in turn, will give Germany more time to develop its weapons, allowing Hitler to get the atomic bomb first, which he’ll use to subsequently conquer the world. Kirk is agonized over the realization that Edith must die in order for history to be restored.

Thanks to Edith, McCoy is back to his normal self, although he seems to be taking the fact that he’s in another time quite well. Edith and Kirk are heading to a movie when she mentions McCoy. Kirk frantically tells her to stay put while he goes to get Spock. They’re reunited with McCoy, but their happy reunion is cut short as they all notice a truck heading toward Edith as she’s crossing the street. Kirk prevents McCoy from saving her, and as a crowd gathers around her body, Spock assures Bones that Kirk knew what he was doing.

Our heroes return to the future, where only a brief amount of time has passed. The Guardian says that the timeline has been restored and the landing party returns to the ship.

Ellison’s original teleplay begins with the ship orbiting an unknown planet, while Kirk realizes that one of his crewmen, Beckwith, is influencing other crewmembers with drugs. Beckwith escapes by beaming down to the planet. Kirk, Spock, Janice Rand, and some redshirts go after him and see an actual city embedded in mountains, which Kirk describes as “a city on the edge of forever”.

The inhabitants of this city identify themselves to our heroes as the Guardians of Forever, who protect a time portal. As they show Kirk and the others images from the past, Beckwith leaps through the portal, changing history. The Enterprise is now overrun by space pirates. As Rand and the others deal with them, Kirk and Spock go through the portal after Beckwith, ending up in 1930 New York City.

They meet Edith, whom Spock realizes, due to her surname Keeler, is the key point in time that will bring them to Beckwith. Spock is able to access info from his tricorder and speculates that Beckwith may have saved Edith from dying, which in turn may have led to Nazi Germany conquering the world.

Beckwith later makes his appearance, and uses his phaser to ward off Kirk and Spock as they attempt to nab him, killing a legless war vet named Trooper in the process. But Kirk and Spock succeed in apprehending Beckwith, as Spock prevents Kirk from saving Edith from an approaching truck.

They return to their own time, with Beckwith escaping again, but the Guardians state that a nova has sent him into a cycle of continuous suffering.

Back on the ship, Kirk tells Spock that he loved Edith while they mourn Trooper as well. Spock assures Kirk that his love for Edith meant that she wasn’t irrelevant.

The original script has some nice ideas, such as Beckwith and his unscrupulous drug dealing. It’s also nice to see Rand in a bigger role than she had in many of the episodes she appeared in. It’s also noteworthy that Spock seems a bit more emotional than usual in the story (yes, he’s half-human and all, but I wanted to note that). I also got a kick out of how Trooper resembles Harlan Ellison.

But one aspect of the televised version that’s superior to the original script is that Spock must take the time to create an interface in order to get information, which adds tension to the story as our heroes must wait to see what they must do. There’s also a big deal made at the end about Spock addressing Kirk by his first name for the first time, even though he did so in the pilot episode “Where No Man Has Gone Before”.

Ellison was a writer Roddenberry wanted on Star Trek from the beginning, as Ellison was already a respected, award-winning author in the ’60s. But after Ellison submitted his original script, Roddenberry removed the characters of Beckwith and Trooper, among other changes. Ellison attempted to remove his name from the final product, but Roddenberry threatened to blackball him from the industry if he did so. Regardless, “City” would bring Ellison numerous accolades, including the prestigious Hugo Award. This acclaim was tempered by Roddenberry telling the world that he basically saved the “City” script with his changes.

I wouldn’t exactly say “City” is the franchise’s finest achievement per se. This may be a petty comment, but it always bugged me that it never seems to occur to Kirk or Spock to simply take Edith back to their time with them (a la Star Trek IV and Back to the Future Part III), thus saving the world from Nazi rule and Kirk a lot of heartache.

But “City”, in both its original and televised form, has wonderful moments, and I always loved how Shatner delivers the episode’s final line (“Let’s get the hell out of here!”). So I don’t think it’s a bad episode by any means. I’d just be more likely to rank, say, “Space Seed”, “Mirror, Mirror”, or “The Enterprise Incident” higher.

Still, while this wasn’t Star Trek‘s first time-travel story (that honor went to “Tomorrow is Yesterday”), it’s understandable why it became the yardstick by which all of the franchise’s subsequent time-travel stories have been measured.

Kull the Conqueror (1997)

This looks at a film that's basically Conan the Barbarian (1982) but with all the goodness of that classic removed.

Before he began his new career as Trump’s mouthpiece, Kevin Sorbo was actually beloved for starring in Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. Naturally, like most actors who hit it big on TV, there were hopes that this stardom would be able to translate to the big screen. Some such transitions came out brilliantly, such as the case with Clint Eastwood, while others not so much, like David Caruso. This film, which was Sorbo’s first starring film role, ended up in the latter category.

Kull actually began life as the third Conan movie. The lead role was played in the previous two Conan pictures by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who became a film star as a result. As Arnold’s star kept rising during the late ’90s, he became less and less interested in playing Conan again. Producer Raffaella De Laurentiis would eventually rework the script, renaming the character Kull, who like Conan was the creation of author Robert E. Howard. When Sorbo signed on, he agreed with the name change, as he didn’t want to play a character that another actor had already played (I guess Sorbo forgot he wasn’t the first actor to play Hercules).

The film begins in the land of Valusia, where General Taligaro (Thomas Ian Griffith) is watching barbarian slaves fight each other. One emerges victorious: Kull (Sorbo). But the general says that Kull has no chance of joining his Dragon Legion, because Kull isn’t a descendant of royalty. But he doesn’t object to Kull returning to the castle with him when they get word that King Borna (Sven-Ole Thorsen) has gone bonkers and is killing his own descendants.

Not long after arriving, Kull engages the king in battle and wins. As he dies, Borna states that Kull is the new king, which pisses off Taligaro and other nobles.

Getting acclimated to his new role, Kull soon meets his concubines, one of whom he recognizes. She’s a fortuneteller named Zareta (Karina Lombard) who once predicted that Kull would become a king. She later tells him that the fate of his kingdom depends on a kiss. Naturally, he takes this to mean a kiss from her, but Kull gives Zareta the brush-off when she reminds him that she’s a slave (okaaay!)

Kull’s attempts to change things is hampered by his aide Tue (Roy Brocksmith), who constantly refers to large stone tablets on which the laws of Valusia are written, including the part about allowing slavery.

After failing to kill Kull during his coronation, Taligaro and his aides get help from Enaros (Edward Tudor-Pole), who helps them revive a long dead sorceress named Akivasha (Tia Carrere). Once awakened, and with a hotter appearance of course, Akivasha proceeds to seduce Kull. This quickly leads to him proclaiming her his queen. But that night, they make out before she seems to murder Kull and subsequently frame Zareta for it.

Taligaro is delighted, not realizing that Akivasha didn’t really kill Kull. Rather, she’s keeping him imprisoned, presumably to get her groove on while working on her plans to resurrect the ancient Acheron Empire, which she ruled before it was destroyed by the god Valka, and Valusia was subsequently built in its place.

Kull is soon freed thanks to Zareta and her brother Ascalante (Gary “Litefoot” Davis). Taligaro is shocked to find Kull is alive before the two briefly cross swords. After Kull, Zareta, and Acalante escape, the general expresses how pissed off he is about it to Akivasha, but she assures him that Kull will soon be dead.

Acalante, a priest, informs Kull that Akivasha can only be stopped with a weapon called the Breath of Valka. They head north to get this weapon on a ship captained by Kull’s acquaintance Juba (Harvey Fierstein). But it turns out Akivasha anticipated this, and sent Taligaro after them. The general kidnaps Zareta and the weapon, killing Asalante and wounding Kull and leaving him for dead.

Privately, Taligaro tells Zareta of his plans to kill Akivasha in order to take the throne for himself. It’s always so helpful when movie bad guys just spill their plans, basically giving the good guys a road map for how to thwart them in the end.

But Kull manages to return to Valusia. During an eclipse, Akivasha takes on her demon form, making it hard for Taligaro to kill her. Kull shows up, kills Enaros, and wounds the general. Zareta passes the Breath of Valka to Kull by kissing him. He, in turn, performs the same act on Akivasha in her monster form, making this image even worse than the ending of the Star Trek: Voyager episode “Threshold” (and to think, this was before Sorbo became obsessed with kissing every woman he saw on Andromeda). The Breath of Valka, now inside her, kills her. Taligaro makes one last attempt to take Zareta. It proves unsuccessful, though, as Kull kills him.

Even though he’s showed nothing but indifference to her all through the movie, the story ends with Kull making Zareta his queen. He then announces that slavery in Valusia is over, as he uses his trusty axe to smash those stone tablets, to Tue’s horror—although that horrified look may be from watching Sorbo act.

The film’s screenwriter, Charles Edward Pogue (whose previous writing credits include The Fly and the underrated Dragonheart), would go on to express disappointment with the film after its release, saying that studio interference led to a less than satisfying final product. That stance is certainly understandable, as the film never draws the viewer into its fantasy world or into the plight of its characters the way Conan the Barbarian and other great fantasy films did.

Some have said that, as Sorbo was riding high with Hercules at the time, the suits were trying to make the film into a more lighthearted romp like that show, thinking its big fanbase would embrace this movie. This would probably explain why Sorbo pretty much plays his role with too much of his tongue-in-cheek, although Kull, like all of his non-Hercules roles, isn’t very likable or appealing.

The reason Arnold became a star with Conan is because he played the role in a dead-straight manner. Those films also benefited from a nice supporting cast, including the great James Earl Jones as the villainous Thulsa Doom. Arnold knew what he could project as an actor, and used those traits to his full advantage when he played Conan. This is why Arnold ended up thriving as an actor during the ’80s and ’90s (ironically, Kull was released the same year Arnold appeared in Batman & Robin, which proves we all make mistakes). The goodwill he garnered during that period would, likewise, lead to him becoming governor of California.

Kull, on the other hand, pretty much ended Sorbo’s big screen career before it began. While Sorbo’s gone out of his way in recent years to insist that the only reason he doesn’t have much of a movie career is because he’s a Christian, the fact that he loves to remind people over and over again (both onscreen and off) that he played Hercules in a TV show which became the most watched in the world hasn’t exactly resulted in displaying much acting range on his part.

The rest of the film’s cast doesn’t make much of an impression either. The only one who’s actually fun to watch is Tia Carrere, who seems to be enjoying playing a character far removed from her famous roles in Wayne’s World and True Lies.

The SFX and editing aren’t exactly impressive either. But worst of all is the musical score. I have nothing against rock music for a movie, even one that takes place long before rock music existed. As much as I disliked Transformers: The Movie, I always loved the “Instruments of Destruction” song on its soundtrack. But in this film, the score is just distracting, and like Sorbo’s mannerisms, are only a reminder that one is watching a film made in the ’90s.

On a sadder note, this was to be the only movie directed by John Nicolella, who had previously directed television. He died just months after Kull‘s release.

I don’t know if Raffaella De Laurentiis had hoped this film would get a sequel like Conan did for her father Dino. But it failed to do so because the film itself is way too jokey, whereas Conan never let any flamboyance overshadow its narrative.

Star Trek: The Next Generation-"All Good Things..."

This year marks the silver anniversary of Star Trek: The Next Generation's final episode, so I thought I'd take a look at this landmark piece of TV.

As anyone who’s seen this episode knows, Star Trek: The Next Generation‘s final episode “All Good Things…” depicts a future 25 years from the current point in the series. Hence, I thought it appropriate to look at that landmark piece of television on its silver anniversary.

The episode begins with Troi and Worf exiting one of the holodecks after taking a nice stroll on a beach. Things are about to get a little more romantic when Picard suddenly interrupts asking them for the current stardate. After Worf gives it to him, Picard informs them that he’s moving forward and backward through time.

Once the title sequence concludes, Picard is explaining things to Troi. He says that he can briefly recall talking to someone from a time before he took command of the Enterprise, although he can’t recall that person’s name. Picard then states that, all of sudden, he was an elderly man doing something, although again, he can’t recall the activity. Troi suggests that this could’ve been some kind of dream, although Picard says that it seemed too real.

That’s when the scene changes to Picard as an older man, tending to some vines. He’s warmly greeted by an approaching LaForge, not wearing his VISOR. As they begin to catch up (during which we hear that LaForge ended up marrying Leah Brahms, who appeared in “Booby Trap” and “Galaxy’s Child”), Picard tells him that he suspects his former engineer really stopped by because he heard Picard is suffering from a mental ailment.

Picard assures LaForge that he’s fine, before being startled by the sight of Tasha Yar. They’re both in a shuttlecraft that’s taking them to the Enterprise for the first time, with Yar assuring him that the ship is a beauty.

As they see the ship, Picard is back in the present, where he informs Troi that he just saw Yar. In Sickbay, Crusher examines him, and in private, informs Picard that he has a defect which could potentially lead to the ailment LaForge mentioned. Picard notes that she’s close to tears as she’s giving him this news, and reassures Crusher that he’ll be fine. Riker arrives to say that Worf didn’t find anything unusual. An admiral then rings Picard and orders him to head to the Devron system, which is located in the Neutral Zone. The admiral states that many Romulan ships have been sent there to investigate a spacial distortion, and tells Picard that other starships will join him to do the same.

Picard is then back in the future, where he tells LaForge about his time-shifting. The latter is skeptical, but Picard talks him into going to Cambridge to see Data and discuss the matter further. But LaForge remains unconvinced, especially when Picard claims there are also random people popping up jeering at him. At Cambridge, we see that Data is a renowned professor, with an unflattering streak of gray in his hair and a sarcastic housekeeper. Data is also skeptical, but is willing to look into Picard’s story.

That’s when Picard is suddenly in the past, arriving on the Enterprise for the first time. His speech before his gathered crew is interrupted by the jeering crowds, to the confusion of his crew. This confusion isn’t helped when he suddenly orders a red alert, sending everyone to their stations. In the observation lounge, Picard notes in a secure log that he won’t tell those in the past of his time-shifting. Yar, Troi and Worf enter and say that they scanned the area and there’s nothing unusual. Picard makes a brief faux pas when he orders Worf to initiate a security alert, prompting Yar to remind him that this is her job.

They’re called to the bridge, where O’Brien informs them that Starfleet has cancelled their scheduled mission to Farpoint Station, ordering the ship to the Devron system to investigate an anomaly. But everyone is surprised when Picard says they’re going to Farpoint anyway. As he goes to help O’Brien with the engines, there’s some clever dialogue between the two to get around the fact that the ship had a revolving door of chief engineers during its first season. Picard is amused when Data comes by, complete with the naivete he had in the show’s first season, and helps Picard with something else.

In the present, Picard tells Crusher and Riker that there was another shift. Picard begins to remember more of what he encountered. Crusher’s scan reveals that Picard has acquired two days of memories in just a few minutes. In the observation lounge, Troi tells Picard that she doesn’t recall him ordering a red alert or Starfleet cancelling their mission to Farpoint when they first met. But Riker notes that the trouble in the Devron system was reported in both the past and the present. This is why Picard orders them to prepare for what lies in the Devron system, and then dismisses them. Riker briefly asks Troi to dinner and is dismayed when she says she already has plans with Worf. Picard calls Riker out when he notices that Riker is preoccupied with what just happened. Picard goes to his ready room and is quickly followed by Crusher. She expresses her concern for him again. His reassurances lead to Crusher tenderly kissing him.

Next thing we know, Picard is in the future awakened by LaForge, who says that Data is ready to run some tests. But Picard informs him of the situation in the Devron system. LaForge points out that it won’t be easy, because the Klingons have now conquered the Romulan Empire and that they’ll need a ship. To that end, they contact Riker, who’s now an admiral. But Riker says it’s too dangerous and tells his former captain that he can’t help him.

Data, however, says that it may be possible to get passage on a medical ship under the guise of a medical emergency. Picard knows just the ship: the U.S.S. Pasteur, commanded by his former wife Beverly Crusher. On the bridge, she greets them all warmly. LaForge suggests that Worf could potentially get them clearance to pass the border, because he’s governor of a Klingon colony. Crusher (or Beverly Picard as she’s called now, as she kept her married surname) politely tells Picard to get some rest. As he leaves, she, LaForge, and Data express their doubt about his story, but are willing to go along with it.

Picard arrives on his ship’s bridge in the past. He knows that this is the location where he and the ship first encountered Q in “Encounter at Farpoint”, but Data says that there’s nothing unusual on the sensors, and Troi says she’s not detecting any presence, either. Picard even shouts out for Q to appear, to no effect, before going back to his ready room.

But he finds himself in Q’s presence anyway, in the same 21st century court setting used in that episode, with the jeering crowd seen earlier. Picard learns that the anomaly in the Devron system is linked to what’s happening, and that Q has been shifting Picard through time. Q also informs him that humanity is doomed, and that Picard is responsible.

Once back in the present, Picard informs the other six regulars of his exchange with Q. He also thinks that Q shifting him through time is actually a way of assisting Picard in order to avert disaster. They return to the bridge as they approach the Devron system, facing off against Romulan ships. Picard contacts the lead ship.

On the screen is Worf, who expresses reservations about the Pasteur’s request to cross the border. But Picard’s knowledge of Klingon customs which he’s accumulated over the course of the series convinces Worf to help, as long as he can accompany them. Crusher allows Picard to give the order to engage.

The order is met with confusion by O’Brien, until Picard tells him to head to the Devron system. Troi asks Picard for a word in private after he asks Yar to hail Farpoint. In his ready room, Troi tells him that the crew is confused by what he’s doing. But Picard says he knows how good they are, even if they don’t. Yar gets through to Farpoint and Picard tells Riker (in the form of stock footage from “The Arsenal of Freedom”, which is better than CGI’ing his beard off) that they’ll be delayed picking him, Crusher, and LaForge up at Farpoint. After this calls ends, Troi reveals that she was once involved with Riker, and then Picard’s request for his Earl Grey tea is denied, as it hasn’t been programmed into the replicator yet.

His smile at that continues as he chats with Tomolak (previously seen in “The Enemy”, “The Defector”, and “Future Imperfect”) in the present, and they agree to each send one ship to look at the anomaly. They get a good look at the thing and begin scanning.

The crew in the past begins to do the same, with Picard knowing it’s larger in the past.

But to Picard’s dismay, the Pasteur doesn’t find anything in that location. Crusher begins champing at the bit to return to Federation space. when Worf informs everyone that Klingon ships are on the way. But she’s convinced to stay a bit longer, just as Data suggests sending out a special pulse to scan the area. But Picard’s annoyance at Crusher’s insistence on a time limit are met with anger by her in her ready room. Picard apologizes for his outburst, and Crusher says that he should still be open to the possibility that this is all a side effect of his ailment. After she leaves, Q pops up and says that Picard must find out why the anomaly doesn’t exist in the future.

Picard is in the present again, as Data continues scanning. He suggests the same type of scan that Data’s future self mentioned to help them out. Data and LaForge begin the necessary modifications in Engineering. As the pulse is sent, LaForge begins groaning in pain. In Sickbay, Crusher states that LaForge is actually getting new eyes, and other crew members have scars which are healing. Data states that the anomaly is a source of “anti-time”, and adds that like matter and anti-matter, anti-time and time could destroy each other.

Data’s past self is amazed when Picard repeats this info to him while asking him to set up the same pulse.

The Pasteur’s scan is disrupted when two Klingon ships appear and attack them. But the Pasteur has limited armaments, and it’s nearly destroyed just as Riker shows up with a souped-up, cloaking device-equipped Enterprise, which takes care of the Klingons and beams the Pasteur’s crew aboard before the ship blows up. Riker orders the ship to head back home, causing Picard to plea with him to stay, which in turn, prompts Crusher to knock him out with a hypo.

Upon arriving in Sickbay in the present, Picard is sadly informed that that Ogawa miscarried, and Crusher suggests that it’s for the same reason LaForge has new eyes. But she thinks that this reversion of cells could lead to all their deaths. In the observation lounge, Picard tells Troi to contact the nearest Starbase to see if the personnel there have experienced similar changes, and he wants Data to find a way to collapse the anomaly after scanning it. Once alone, Picard is joined by Q, who says that it’s a risk doing something or nothing about the anomaly. Q whisks them to Earth billions of years in the past, when the planet was uninhabitable. The anomaly is seen clearly at this point, with Picard noting that it grows the further in the past he travels. Q shows Picard a pond of goo, with amino acids about to form the first protein… but nothing happens, meaning the anomaly disrupted the start of life on Earth.

In the past, Data informs Picard of a device that in this time is still in the developmental stages, but could get a closer look at the inside of the anomaly. Picard asks the present Data to use that same, more commonly used device. The subsequent readings show two other pulses converging with their own.

Picard wakes up in his quarters and heads to Ten Forward to meet with Admiral Riker. At the bar, we learn that Troi has died, and as a result, Riker and Worf have been on less-than-friendly terms. Crusher, LaForge, and Data state that they should try to patch things up, just as Picard arrives. He seems to ramble on until Data says that he’s describing a paradox, and that they may have created the very anomaly they’re looking for. This convinces Riker to send the ship back to the Devron system, even asking Worf for a hand. They arrive to see the anomaly just beginning to form. Data suggests shutting off the pulses in the other two time periods.

His suggestion is quickly taken up by Picard in the present. He also takes it up in the past, but there’s no change in the anomaly. In the future, LaForge says that the only thing to do now is to stop it at the focal point by initiating a static warp shell. Picard says that it may be dangerous to do this in the past and the present, because it’s larger in both those periods.

This is confirmed in the past when Yar tells Picard that they need an actual explanation for taking action that would place the ship and crew at risk. Picard says he understands, and wishes he could be more specific. But Picard assures Yar and the rest of the crew that this is for a good reason, and while this crew hasn’t known Picard for very long, he knows they’re the best of the best. This convinces them to go along with his orders as the other two Enterprises do the same.

The three ships see each other on the viewscreen as they initiate their respective warp shells. As the efforts of all three ships increase, the past Enterprise blows up, soon followed by the present. Q pops up in the future ship to bid Picard goodbye, saying, “All good things must come to an end!”

The ship blows up, but Picard finds himself with Q in the courtroom again. Rolling his eyes, Q informs him that the anomaly has been destroyed, and humanity is saved. Picard thanks him for his help, although Q says that the Q Continuum influenced him getting Picard into it. He tells Picard that such “out of the box” thinking as the captain displayed is what’s in the future (someone didn’t see those TNG films) and then he departs.

Picard is in the present to disrupt Troi and Worf’s date again. They’re taken aback, and Picard quickly leaves after Worf confirms the date. In a subsequent log, Picard states that there’s nothing unusual in the Neutral Zone, and that he has no memory of what’s transpired.

Riker, Crusher, Data, LaForge, and Worf are playing poker, and we learn that Picard has informed them of what happened. They all realize that a new, unknown future awaits them all, since the anomaly never formed. Troi joins them before being followed by Picard, who pleasantly surprises everyone by asking to join them.

The series ends with Picard looking at each of them, saying that he should’ve done this sooner. The final shot is of their game beginning as the ship sails off into the stars.

Like Star Trek VI, this episode is a wonderful finale because it epitomizes why these characters have become so beloved. The story acknowledges the show’s beginnings and ends with the viewer wanting more. While some may complain about the technobabble and the reset button ending (both of which Voyager would squeeze the life out of), the story moves at such an exciting pace that the former doesn’t bother us, while the latter is irrelevant, since Picard later informs the rest of the main characters of what happened. Hence, they’re as affected by the events of the episode as he is.

This makes the final scene all the more special. Remove that final scene, and the reset button ending would have made the episode as annoying as the recent ending of Game of Thrones. But this ending makes this story both bittersweet (Yar’s appearance reminding us that our heroes have endured loss during the run of the series) and uplifting (in regards to the bond that Picard and company have formed during the show’s run, and the unknown future they now face together).

Some have called TNG’s final season a mixed bag. While it’s true that the season began with the so-so “Descent Part II” and gave us bona-fide clunkers like “Force of Nature”, “Homeward”, and “Eye of the Beholder” (I must confess, both “Sub Rosa” and “Genesis” are guilty pleasures of mine), we also got greats such as “Attached,” “Dark Page,”, the “Gambit” two-parter, “Parallels”, “The Pegasus”, and “Lower Decks”. I must also make special mention of the episode which immediately preceded “All Good Things…”: “Preemptive Strike”. These two episodes were a fabulous one-two punch which ended the season and the series on a great note.

I’ve made no secret of my disappointment with the four subsequent TNG movies. But while those movies were part of the plan when the series ended its run, this brings up another reason “All Good Things…” is such a triumph. It can be taken on its own terms without viewing any of those films to sour it. The aforementioned Star Trek VI appropriately ended with Kirk and his crew on the bridge of their Enterprise (with Sulu on the bridge of the Excelsior). This episode ends with Picard and his crew in Riker’s quarters interacting in a more personal but equally memorable way.

This episode would deservedly win the prestigious Hugo Award, and it’s telling that no other Star Trek production since has been so honored. I don’t see that changing with the way Discovery is playing out. But the news of another series with Patrick Stewart returning as Picard may give fans hope for masterworks on this level again. As a certain someone once said: “There are always possibilities…”

Always vs. Ghost

This looks at two romantic ghost stories.

Here now is a comparison between two romantic ghost stories that came out within a year of each other. Both stories involve the dearly departed still present in a spiritual form to assist their still-earthbound sweetheart in the aftermath of their premature departure.

So, which is better? Let’s find out.

Always (1989)
This film, directed by Steven Spielberg, is a remake of the 1943 film A Guy Named Joe. That movie dealt with a pilot named Pete (played by Spencer Tracy) who’s shot down in action during World War II. As that war had long ended by 1989, the setting for Always was changed so that Richard Dreyfuss (playing Tracy’s part) is now an aerial firefighter who’s known for taking risks on the job.

At the behest of both his girlfriend Dorina (Holly Hunter) and his BFF Al (John Goodman), Pete agrees to take a safer job as a trainer. But only after one last mission, in which Dorinda’s fears are realized when Pete’s plane blows up after he flies through a forest fire in order to save Al’s plane.

On the other side, Pete meets a lady named Hap (Audrey Hepburn) who informs him that he’s passed on. She also states that Pete must provide inspiration to those who are still alive. Months later, as Dorinda and Al are still mourning him, Pete is assigned to give guidance to a new firefighting pilot named Ted Baker (Brad Johnson).

Soon, however, Pete realizes that Ted is falling for Dorinda—and that she’s slowly but surely reciprocating. Pete tries to put a stop to this but Hap tells him that he must also let Dorinda go.

To that end, Pete gives Ted the guidance he needs to become a great firefighter himself. But Dorinda takes matters into her own hands when she personally commandeers a plane to stop a blaze so she doesn’t have to go through the pain of losing someone she loves again. Both Pete and Al unsuccessfully attempt to talk her down, but Pete manages to help her stop the fire, while telling her things that he didn’t when he was still alive.

Dorinda’s plane crash-lands in the water, but she sees Pete extending his hand, which she takes in order to swim to safety. Pete smiles as Dorinda and Ted embrace before he goes off.

Ghost (1990)
A long while ago, this site posted a detailed recap of this movie, so I’ll keep this one short. Sam Wheat (Patrick Swayze) and his girlfriend Molly Jensen (Demi Moore) begin their lives anew when they move into a new Manhattan apartment. But their great life is shattered one night when a mugger named Willie Lopez (Rick Aviles) accosts them and fatally shoots Sam in the process.

As Molly mourns him, Sam himself is horrified to discover that he’s now a ghost. He can’t been seen or heard by anybody (except other ghosts, who he sees quite a lot of in this story) until he encounters a psychic named Oda Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg), who didn’t think she had psychic powers until she realizes that she can actually hear Sam. Through her, Sam attempts to tell Molly that Willie broke into their place to look for something, and only left because Sam was able to influence their cat into scaring Willie off. But Molly is skeptical, and this skepticism isn’t helped when, after she goes to the police with Willie’s address, Molly discovers that Oda Mae has an extensive police record for fraud.

At the same time, Sam is shocked to find out that Willie was sent by his friend and fellow banker Carl Bruner (Tony Goldwyn). This, along with Carl’s unsuccessful attempts to romance Molly, prompt Sam to seek out a pissed-off ghost he previously encountered on the subway (Vincent Schiavelli) in order to learn his technique of moving objects. Sam also convinces Oda Mae to go to his bank, using another name, in order to withdraw all the money he discovered Carl was laundering, so that his drug dealing bosses won’t get it. She’s subsequently pissed off when Sam forces her to give all that money ($4 million) to nearby nuns rather than pocketing it.

Carl practically pisses in his pants when he realizes all that money is gone mpw, but Molly later tells him that she briefly saw Oda Mae at the bank. He and Willie go to Oda Mae’s place, but Sam ensures that she’s safe before Willie is killed in the ensuing fight, and his ghost is dragged away screaming by shadowy forms.

But Carl escapes and Sam and Oda Mae go back to warn Molly, who’s finally convinced Sam is present when he levitates a penny into her hand. Carl breaks in and his attempts to take both Oda Mae and Molly hostage in order to get the money back are thwarted by Sam. When Carl attempts to escape, a hook he throws hits the window that he’s going through, causing a large shard to kill him. Carl’s ghost is quickly carried off by those shadows seen earlier.

Molly hears Sam when he asks if she and Oda Mae are okay. A bright light appears beckoning Sam, who goes into it after bidding both Molly and Oda Mae goodbye.

Which is better?
Ghost is certainly (if you’ll pardon the pun) the livelier of the two movies. It has a nice number of laughs, thanks mainly to Goldberg, who won an Oscar for her performance (the screenplay from Bruce Joel Rubin also got an Oscar). But both Swayze and Moore are good as well. Their love scene while Molly attempts to make a pot with the Righteous Brothers’ “Unchained Melody” playing in the background quickly became one of the classic movie love scenes. Sam’s scenes with other ghosts are amusing, with Schiavelli stealing the show with his work, and the moments where Sam frantically tries to outmaneuver Carl and Willie are exciting, with the fact that the woman he loves can’t see or hear him adding to the tension. I’ve heard some say that the shadow ghosts quickly taking away the bad guys was cheesy, but it works in the context of this film.

One thing I disliked, though, was that Molly is not 100% convinced that Sam is with her until he basically performs a magic trick for her. It would’ve been more moving if she had been convinced via something more personal, especially since Oda Mae had previously revealed she knows that Sam responded to Molly saying she loved him with the word “ditto”. I would think that would’ve been enough to convince Molly. I’m also unsure of what to make of Sam screwing with Carl in his office by typing his name on his computer. Yes, I realize Sam wants to gloat that he screwed Carl over by getting that money away from him, and I certainly understand why Sam wants to keep an eye on him. But simply putting all his cards on the table like that was asking for trouble.

Still, Ghost works at being funny, touching, and even thrilling, so it’s not hard to see why this film became the biggest moneymaker of 1990, a year which I always felt was the year of the sleeper hits. This film wasn’t expected to be a smash when it first came out, as it wasn’t exactly a big-budget action movie. Other films released later that year, such as Home Alone and Dances With Wolves, were also not exactly highly anticipated. Yet all three of these became enormous successes (Home Alone became the biggest moneymaking comedy ever, and Dances With Wolves won seven Oscars, including the one for Best Picture), while other 1990 films that were expected to be huge hits such as The Bonfire of the Vanities, Rocky V, and The Godfather Part III ended up being hugely disappointing.

But this isn’t to say Always is bad. On the contrary, it has some very nice moments. Like Ghost, it has an instantly likable protagonist (this film was Spielberg’s third with Dreyfuss, after Jaws and Close Encounters of the Third Kind) and a nice supporting cast. The moment when Dorinda sees Pete again is especially sweet. The best part, though, is seeing the legendary Audrey Hepburn in what would be her final film appearance. As this review perfectly said, she’s as close to an angel as a human being can get. I like to think that meeting lovely souls such as her is a given once we pass on.

Also, like Ghost, the movie nicely uses a classic song. In this case, it’s the Platters’ “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes,” which Pete and Dorinda dance to early in the film, and which is played in the film’s closing credits.

These pluses are what help the viewer get through the movie’s slower moments, such as the moments when Al angrily tries to tell Dorinda that she shouldn’t let Pete’s death stop her from living her life (although I did crack up when Al slurps out the cream in Twinkies with a straw). Curiously, Spielberg’s next film Hook would also be hampered by moments that drag before he got back on track with Jurassic Park. It probably also didn’t help that this film was overshadowed by the enormous success of Spielberg’s previous film Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, which came out just a few months earlier. As it turns out, this was the first of a number of times he put out two movies in a single year.

On a dramatic level, Always doesn’t do anything A Guy Named Joe didn’t do better, but it’s definitely worth a look.